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OG1 - Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? v.1

OG1 - Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? v. 1
Many countries gained huge benefits from global tourism. However, it is concerned that it may have drawbacks affecting the environment and other living organisms. In my opinion, tourists can bring more advantages to society, notably economic benefits than problems. Tourists from around the world can cause serious problems for the environment. One of the key issues is that not all visitors have the same culture, respect personality which can be harmful to the visited country. Most tourists find it hard to get accustomed in their short visit to the local rules. In other words, not all people can maintain a respected attitude towards tourist places, in a way, some could ruin historic places or even gardens. Furthermore, another problem is that some countries had to deal with diseases which were brought by visitors abroad and that could be hectic for a developing country to cure. On the other hand, having tourists in one's country could boost the local economy. This will provide more income for workers concerned. In addition, the money gained from tourism could be easily invested in other factors that affect society, such as education and public health. Moreover, if visitors brought positive feedback on their travel, relations between countries will become stronger. So, more power for the country which will perhaps help to raise their level between other nations. In conclusion, even though, countries can be worried about welcoming tourists. It, ultimately, has more positive results in the long run, it may be a reason for enhancing a developing country.
Many
countries
gained huge benefits from global tourism.
However
, it
is concerned
that it may have drawbacks affecting the environment and
other
living organisms. In my opinion,
tourists
can bring more advantages to society,
notably
economic benefits than problems.

Tourists from around the world can cause serious problems for the environment. One of the key issues is that not all visitors have the same culture, respect personality which can be harmful to the visited
country
. Most
tourists
find it
hard
to
get
accustomed in their short visit to the local
rules
. In
other
words, not all
people
can maintain a respected attitude towards
tourist
places, in a way,
some
could ruin historic places or even gardens.
Furthermore
, another problem is that
some
countries
had to deal with diseases which
were brought
by visitors abroad and that could be hectic for a developing
country
to cure.

On the
other
hand, having
tourists
in one's
country
could boost the local economy. This will provide more income for workers concerned.
In addition
, the money gained from tourism could be
easily
invested in
other
factors that affect society, such as education and public health.
Moreover
, if visitors brought
positive
feedback on their travel, relations between
countries
will become stronger.
So
, more power for the
country
which will perhaps
help
to raise their level between
other
nations.

In conclusion
,
even though
,
countries
can
be worried
about welcoming
tourists
. It,
ultimately
, has more
positive
results in the long run, it may be a reason for enhancing a developing
country
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay OG1 - Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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