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OG1 - Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? v.1

OG1 - Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? v. 1
Many countries gained huge benefits from global tourism. However, it is concerned that it may have drawbacks affecting the environment and other living organisms. In my opinion, tourists can bring more advantages to society, notably economic benefits than problems. Tourists from around the world can cause serious problems for the environment. One of the key issues is that not all visitors have the same culture, respect personality which can be harmful to the visited country. Most tourists find it hard to get accustomed in their short visit to the local rules. In other words, not all people can maintain a respected attitude towards tourist places, in a way, some could ruin historic places or even gardens. Furthermore, another problem is that some countries had to deal with diseases which were brought by visitors abroad and that could be hectic for a developing country to cure. On the other hand, having tourists in one's country could boost the local economy. This will provide more income for workers concerned. In addition, the money gained from tourism could be easily invested in other factors that affect society, such as education and public health. Moreover, if visitors brought positive feedback on their travel, relations between countries will become stronger. So, more power for the country which will perhaps help to raise their level between other nations. In conclusion, even though, countries can be worried about welcoming tourists. It, ultimately, has more positive results in the long run, it may be a reason for enhancing a developing country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
gained huge benefits from global tourism.
However
, it
is concerned
that it may have drawbacks affecting the environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
living organisms. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can bring more advantages to society,
notably
economic benefits than problems.

Tourists from around the world can cause serious problems for the environment. One of the key issues is that not all visitors have the same culture, respect personality which can be harmful to the visited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed in their short visit to the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, not all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can maintain a respected attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
places, in a way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
could ruin historic places or even gardens.
Furthermore
, another problem is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had to deal with diseases which
were brought
by visitors abroad and that could be hectic for a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to cure.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could boost the local economy. This will provide more income for workers concerned.
In addition
, the money gained from tourism could be
easily
invested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that affect society, such as education and public health.
Moreover
, if visitors brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedback on their travel, relations between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will become stronger.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, more power for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which will perhaps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to raise their level between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.

In conclusion
,
even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
be worried
about welcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. It,
ultimately
, has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results in the long run, it may be a reason for enhancing a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay OG1 - Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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