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In recent years, the number of visitors of art galleries are decreasing steadily. What are the reasons for this trend? What can be done to improve the number of visitors. v.2

In recent years, the number of visitors of art galleries are decreasing steadily. What are the reasons for this trend? What can be done to improve the number of visitors. v. 2
It is true that nowadays fewer and fewer people visit art galleries. It seems to me that there are several triggers might cause this and steps taken by both government and institution which organize to encourage some visitors. The primary reason why people have less interested in art galleries is that, perhaps, people tend to get bored when they visit the place, since the gallery has lack of innovation to show the arts. Moreover, due to the advanced of technology, people are more preferable to visit some temporary buildings which provide the technology attraction, like Theme Park. Another reason is that, people prefer to staying at home instead of visiting art gallery, as the location is far away from their home. Therefore, inspite of giving a lot of efforts to reach the location, they also have to spend much money on transport costs to commute from their home and to the gallery. It appeals to me there are several steps which could be taken by government and the art gallery’s staffs to spur the visitiors’ interest. In term of government’s support, the authorities could give some incentive funds in order to buy technology-powered tools, so that it could attract not only youngsters who are passionate about the advanced technology, but also foreign tourists. Moreover, by using the technological advancement, the staffs could utilize it to make the exhibiton more and more reachable for those who live far away from the gallery, for example, showing the attraction on the internet and social media. Lastly, of course, the effective advertisement done by the staffs could encourage people’s interest to visit the gallery. To sum up, it can be said the reasons why the level of art gallery visitors has decreased recently are caused by the outdated exhibition shown by the art staffs, the advanced technology, and the location far away from people’s home. This, however, could be overcome by aid funds given by government, using technology, and well-prepared advertisement.
It is true that nowadays fewer and fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
. It seems to me that there are several triggers might cause this and steps taken by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and institution which organize to encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
visitors.

The primary reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is that, perhaps,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the place, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
has lack of innovation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Moreover
, due to
The phrase 'the advanced of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the advanced of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more preferable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
temporary buildings which provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
attraction, like Theme Park. Another reason is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
Did you mean "stay"?
staying
at home
instead
of visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
, as the location is far away from their home.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts to reach the location, they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend much money on transport costs to commute from their home and to the gallery.

It appeals to me there are several steps which could
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
to spur the
Possible spelling mistake found.
visitiors
’ interest. In term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
support, the authorities could give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incentive funds in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
technology-powered tools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it could attract not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
youngsters who are passionate about the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
foreign tourists.
Moreover
, by using the technological advancement, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
could utilize it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
exhibiton
more and more reachable for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
,
for example
, showing the attraction on the internet and social media.
Lastly
,
of course
, the effective advertisement done by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the gallery.

To sum up, it can
be said
the reasons why the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
visitors has decreased recently
are caused
by the outdated exhibition shown by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
, the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, and the location far away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
home. This,
however
, could
be overcome
by aid funds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, and well-prepared advertisement.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In recent years, the number of visitors of art galleries are decreasing steadily. What are the reasons for this trend? What can be done to improve the number of visitors. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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