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Question: education is the single most important factor in the development of a country. Do you agree? v.1

Question: education is the single most important factor in the development of a country. Do you agree? v. 1
The development of a country is dominated by various aspects which is not only influenced by one part. Even the schooling system is an important aspect among society, though, it is a basic thing to improve the human resources. However, I personally agree that there are several reasons to focus more on learning aspect which will be discussed below. Although, the other departments in the state are pivotal for its development, yet the education is a pillar to road to a big progress. First and foremost, the education is the valuable element in deciding the great standard of academia to the students. By means that it obviously takes a part in educating the society in that country, in which those people would directly influence the expansion of the state. The best operation of education could also conclude some prominent figures, for example, that are basically intelligent, educated and talented, who able to bring a great name of the nation. Furthermore, even there are many factors that could support the evolution of the country, the education still becomes a priority, since, it provides more knowledge for plenty of departments in developing it. As a result, the governments would be able to authorize any advancement to assure the welfare of their nation. Taking the development of the economic aspect as the instance, all act to do is requiring a wide insight about the economic science which comes from the education in the university. It is highly likely that the most sophisticated of the state determines the success of a certain country, which could be seen through how the educated people from the lower class to the highest class of society. Accordingly, it seriously becomes a critical issue around the world. By way of conclusion, the education system should have more concern of the government, due to its action in educating the society, providing more knowledge in all departments and increase the welfare which incarnate a success for the nation. As I would state that education is the most essential thing that cannot be separated from the process to be successful especially in a developing country.
The development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is dominated
by various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
influenced by one part. Even the schooling system is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, though, it is a basic thing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the human resources.
However
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are several reasons to focus more on learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
which will
be discussed
below.

Although, the other departments in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
are pivotal for its development,
yet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a pillar to road to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
progress.
First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the valuable element in deciding the great standard of academia to the students. By means that it
obviously
takes a part in educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, in which those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
directly
influence the expansion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
. The best operation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
could
also
conclude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prominent figures,
for example
, that are
basically
intelligent, educated and talented,
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a able".
who able
to bring a great name of the nation.

Furthermore
, even there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that could support the evolution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
still
becomes a priority, since, it provides more knowledge for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of departments in developing it.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
would be able to authorize any advancement to assure the welfare of their nation. Taking the development of the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
as the instance, all act to do is requiring a wide insight about the economic science which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the university. It is
highly
likely that the most sophisticated of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
determines the success of a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
through how the educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to the highest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Accordingly
, it
seriously
becomes a critical issue around the world.

By way of conclusion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system should have more concern of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, due to its action in educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, providing more knowledge in all departments and increase the welfare which incarnate a success for the nation.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the most essential thing that cannot
be separated
from the process to be successful
especially
in a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Question: education is the single most important factor in the development of a country. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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