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Education is the single most important factor in the development of developing countries. v.1

Education is the single most important factor in the development of developing countries. v. 1
Education does not limit itself only to gaining knowledge; it also includes learning, practising, and mastering skills in order to achieve goals. Any country is considered to be developed when it attains perfection or highest position in terms of economic, agricultural, defence, technology, transportation and healthcare sectors. In my view, education forms the skeleton of success in all these sectors which leads the nation towards development. In the agricultural field adequate knowledge and training of a variety of seeds, fertilisers and antibiotics help the farmers produce more grains which serve the need of country as well as fetch good demand across the globe. For example, India is famous for its production of spices, fruits like Alphonso, apples, grapes and oranges. This helps the country to become independent for food and simultaneously earn foreign currency. The advanced healthcare system needs well-educated professionals, advanced technology, awareness and practice of preventive measures, as well as huge investment in medical research. However, proper education of hygiene and sanitation will help reduce such avoidable expenses. Similarly, manufacturing, transportation, information technology demands the high level of expertise, proper planning and implementation which depends upon the knowledge, skills and training.   Community attitude and behaviour are crucial for the development by maintaining discipline, rules and regulation, implementation of set process and dedication towards work. These all comes from proper education and sense of responsibility towards building the country. On the other hand, some people may not agree on education being the sole important factor, as there may be other considerable variables such as availability of gold and fuels, per capita income versus expenditure, defence force and effective leadership. I still believe that education is the backbone of any successful country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
does not limit itself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to gaining knowledge; it
also
includes learning,
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
, and mastering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to achieve goals. Any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is considered
to
be developed
when it attains perfection or highest position in terms of economic, agricultural,
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
, technology, transportation and healthcare sectors. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
forms the skeleton of success in all these sectors which leads the nation towards development.

In the agricultural field adequate knowledge and training of a variety of seeds,
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
and antibiotics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the farmers produce more grains which serve the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
as fetch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
demand across the globe.
For example
, India is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for its production of spices, fruits like Alphonso, apples, grapes and oranges. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to become independent for food and
simultaneously
earn foreign currency.

The advanced healthcare system needs well-educated professionals, advanced technology, awareness and practice of preventive measures,
as well
as huge investment in medical research.
However
, proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of hygiene and sanitation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
such avoidable expenses.

Similarly
, manufacturing, transportation, information technology demands the high level of expertise, proper planning and implementation which depends upon the knowledge,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and training.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Community attitude and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are crucial for the development by maintaining discipline,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation, implementation of set process and dedication towards work. These all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and sense of responsibility towards building the country.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
being the sole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor, as there may be other considerable variables such as availability of gold and fuels, per capita income versus expenditure,
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
force and effective leadership. I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the backbone of any successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Education is the single most important factor in the development of developing countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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