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Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses. Nevertheless, they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities, The latter being regarded as a taboo subject sometimes. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.2

Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses. Nevertheless, they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities, The latter being regarded as a taboo subject sometimes. v. 2
It has been observed that mentally challenged people are less likely to be accepted by the public and physical disabilities are treated with more empathy than mental illnesses. I strongly disagree with the statement and believe that society is getting more tolerating to mental disordered people. To begin with, people have been more open to psychological illnesses because they have become more aware of the importance of mental health in their lives. When people are mentally ill, they are not able to work productively, to form positive relationships and manage life’s challenges. For instance, it is probably difficult for a person with speech anxiety to present his or her project in a work meeting as well as communicate effectively in public. As a result, people have paid more attention to their mental health by doing physical activities, adopting healthy diets and practicing meditation. Another reason is that some people with mental disorders are geniuses with hidden talents. Children with autism or hyperactive might be considered mentally disordered at the first place because they come across with uncommon behaviours. However, many of them have shown their interests or talents in music, technology, drawing or circus performance. For example, a successful Vietnamese acrobat was diagnosed with autism at the age of three. The more he grew up, the more he showed his interest in circus performance. With the support of his parents, he kept practicing and now works as a professional performer. Being aware of these cases, not only families, but also the society have sought methods and treatments to cure and open their arms to people with psychological disorders. To conclude, awareness of the public to mental health and special gifts of mentally challenged people has been enhanced. Thus, they have become more empathised towards those people and supported them in many different ways.
It has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
challenged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less likely to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the public and physical disabilities
are treated
with more empathy than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
illnesses. I
strongly
disagree with the statement and believe that society is getting more tolerating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
disordered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been more open to psychological illnesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have become more aware of the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
ill, they are not able to work
productively
, to form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
relationships and manage life’s challenges.
For instance
, it is
probably
difficult for a person with speech anxiety to present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
project in a work meeting
as well
as communicate
effectively
in public.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have paid more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health by doing physical activities, adopting healthy diets and practicing meditation.

Another reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
disorders are geniuses with hidden talents. Children with autism or hyperactive might
be considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
disordered at the
first
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across with uncommon
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have shown their interests or talents in music, technology, drawing or circus performance.
For example
, a successful Vietnamese acrobat
was diagnosed
with autism at the age of three. The more he grew up, the more he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
his interest in circus performance. With the support of his parents, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
practicing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
works as a professional performer. Being aware of these cases, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the society have sought methods and treatments to cure and open their arms to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with psychological disorders.

To conclude
, awareness of the public to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health and special gifts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mentally
challenged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been enhanced
.
Thus
, they have become more
Possible spelling mistake. 'empathised' is British English.
empathised
towards those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and supported them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses. Nevertheless, they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities, The latter being regarded as a taboo subject sometimes. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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