Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to us v.807

Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to us v. 807
As we all know, nowadays people overall are very busy, including parents. One the other hand, spending time with children is very important as well. So, parents should manage the time in order to find get some free time that can be spend with their children. The y can either play games or sports, or help their kids with school activities. In my opinion is better to spend more time doing things related to schoolwork rather then playing other games. The most important thing for children is to be good students, because their future depends from that. Also, they are the future of our society. It is the parents responsibility to help them with their homework and other stuff, so they can succeed. My son is on fourth grade and he always needs my help to get done his homework. I have been helping him since he started the school, and now he is a honor student. Also, he has lots of friends that love and respect him. Furthermore, I feel so proud and so happy about him. All this because I have spend so much time working with him. In addition, sometimes kids have to do some school projects that are so hard for their ages and they need some help. And no other can help them better than their parents. My friend' s daughter is in kindergarten. The other day she had a school project where she needed to talk about a family vacation and also to draw the place where she spent the vacation. so, it was so hard for her to do that. Of course my friend or her mother helped her. She did the project in a different paper and let her daughter to copy it. If my friend did not have time or if she would spend the time playing games and other stuff, she would not have time to finish her daughter' s project and her little girl would feel embarresed front of her classmates. In conclusion, spending time with kids playing games and having is the most valuable thing a parent can do. But, helping them with their school activities and with other things like homework is priceless.
As we all know, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
overall
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with children is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that can be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
with their children. The y can either play games or sports, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their kids with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
activities. In my opinion is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing things related to schoolwork
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
games.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for children is to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their future
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depends on".
depends
from that.
Also
, they are the future of our society. It is the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "parents'" or "parent's"?
parents
responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them with their homework and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
stuff,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can succeed. My son is on fourth
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grade and
he always needs my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
done his homework. I have been helping him since he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
honor student.
Also
, he has lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respect him.
Furthermore
, I feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
proud and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy about him. All this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have
Use past participle here: "spent".
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working with him.

In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ages and
they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. And no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them better than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. My
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s daughter is in kindergarten. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
day she had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
where she needed to talk about a family vacation and
also
to draw the place where she spent the vacation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for her to do that.
Of course
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
or her mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her. She did the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
paper and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
her daughter to copy it. If my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
did not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or if she would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
stuff, she would not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish her
Possible spelling mistake found.
daughter&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
and her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girl would feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
embarresed
front of her classmates.

In conclusion
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with kids playing games and having is the most valuable thing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
can do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, helping them with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
activities and with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things like homework is priceless.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to us v. 807

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts