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Question 6: The professor is talking about the introduced species. Explain how the Accacia plants and Salt grass affected the environment. v.1

Question 6: The professor is talking about the introduced species. Explain how the Accacia plants and Salt grass affected the environment. v. 1
Artists often receive major financial support from the state, however, some argue that the national budget should be used in other relevant areas of concern. Although the artworks of such people increase tourist attraction, I believe that the government should spend more on the health problems faced by a country. One of the major reasons why the government gives a lot of support to these artists is because they attract tourists. Painters, sculptors and other artists are born with natural talents and they bring forth pride to their countries. The collection of their masterpieces is mostly displayed in museums where local residents and people from overseas can see and appreciate. For example, millions of people around the world visit the Louvre Museum, which is the home of the Monalisa painting, one of the finest works of the famous Renaissance artist, Leonardo da Vinci. However, I do not support this idea and consider it just a waste of money because the country should give more attention to other crucial problems. On the other hand, the national budget should be allotted to the nation's bigger problem like health. Many people who are suffering from various diseases do not come from well-off families. Most of them have poor financial status and do not have the capacity to afford medical treatment. Furthermore, the patients often complain that the government lacks the compassion to offer assistance for them to get cured. For instance, in the Philippines, a survey conducted in 2016 revealed that 7 out of 10 people die from critical diseases because they do not have the financial power to have access to the needed medical intervention. If the government is really concern with the welfare of its citizens, then, allocating budget to provide free medical services should be prioritized. In conclusion, despite the fact that the support given to various artists results in a positive impact on tourism, I believe that government should be more concern in the health of the society instead.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
receive major financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the state,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the national budget should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
relevant areas of concern. Although the artworks of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increase tourist attraction, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more on the health problems faced by a country.

One of the major reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they attract tourists. Painters, sculptors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are born
with natural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
talents and
they bring forth pride to their countries. The collection of their masterpieces is
mostly
displayed in museums where local residents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from overseas can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and appreciate.
For example
, millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world visit the Louvre Museum, which is the home of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Monalisa
painting, one of the finest works of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Renaissance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
, Leonardo da Vinci.
However
, I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and consider it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the country should give more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crucial problems.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the national budget should
be allotted
to the nation's bigger problem like health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are suffering from various diseases do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from well-off families. Most of them have poor financial status and do not have the capacity to afford medical treatment.
Furthermore
, the patients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
complain that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
lacks the compassion to offer assistance for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cured.
For instance
, in the Philippines, a survey conducted in 2016 revealed that 7 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from critical diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have the financial power to have access to the needed medical intervention. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
really
Consider using a past participle here: "concerned".
concern
with the welfare of its citizens, then, allocating budget to provide free medical services should
be prioritized
.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
results in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on tourism, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be more concern in the health of the society
instead
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Question 6: The professor is talking about the introduced species. Explain how the Accacia plants and Salt grass affected the environment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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