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q6: The professor is talking about countable and uncountable nouns. Using points and example present the idea the professor is trying to get across. v.1

q6: The professor is talking about countable and uncountable nouns. Using points and example present the idea the professor is trying to get across. v. 1
Various troubles with student attitude are faced by schools in many nations all over the world. This essay will first suggest that this phenomenon caused by the weak interaction from teachers and students in the class, which come from the imbalance ratio of the number of teachers and students. Then, it suggests customized student learning as the most viable solution. The foremost caused to this phenomenon is that the school did not provide balance ratio for a number of the teachers and the students in each class. This leads to the condition where each student did not get the best attention from their teacher for their end-to-end learning process. As a result, students who get least attention act unwanted behaviour in order to get attention from their teacher. A possible solution to this problem would be to provide a customized end-to-end learning experience for each of the students. The curriculum which emphasizing on students' strength and interest area can help students focus on good initiatives to flourish their talents instead of act on their bad behaviour. For instance, Finland is well-known for its education curriculum which implementing this and successfully bring its students to have not only high score but also own a good interpersonal skill. To conclude, the severe problems with student attitude caused by the imbalance ratio of teachers and student numbers at class can be solved by facilitating a more customized learning experience approach for the students as shown in Finland. If all countries have gradually changed their approach to this kind of policy, the students' behaviour at school would be dramatically better.
Various troubles with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
attitude
are faced
by schools in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations all over the world. This essay will
first
suggest that this phenomenon caused by the weak interaction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the imbalance ratio of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Then, it suggests customized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
as the most viable solution.

The foremost caused to this phenomenon is that the school did not provide balance ratio for a number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This leads to the condition where each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
-to-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
attention act unwanted
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attention from their teacher.

A possible solution to this problem would be to provide a customized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
-to-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
experience for each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The curriculum which emphasizing on students' strength and interest area can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
initiatives to flourish their talents
instead
of act on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For instance
, Finland is well-known for its education curriculum which implementing this and
successfully
bring its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high score
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

To conclude
, the severe problems with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
attitude caused by the imbalance ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
numbers at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
be solved
by facilitating a more customized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
experience approach for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as shown in Finland. If all countries have
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their approach to this kind of policy, the students'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
at school would be
dramatically
better.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay q6: The professor is talking about countable and uncountable nouns. Using points and example present the idea the professor is trying to get across. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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