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Question 4 Cognitive dissonance. Using the example discussed by the professor explain what cognitive dissonance is and how people often deal with it. v.1

Question 4 Cognitive dissonance. Using the example discussed by the professor explain what cognitive dissonance is and how people often deal with it. v. 1
Although it is sometimes thought that females are equally significant as men to fight for criminals and wars, other people think that they are not equally the same. In my opinion, I consider that women hold the same position as men, due to the variety of skills and mindsets that they will bring for the country. On the one hand, some believe that regardless of genders anyone ought to be able to join the military force and I agree. In other words, women often bring different strategy and expertise that can help to protect justice. In 2010, for instance, Lieutenant Maria Jones was the first woman commander that was able to murder Sadam Hussein due to her new tactic and leadership within the team. Furthermore, allowing women to be in the force will increase diversity and persuade stability in the country, since they have extra people to fight terrorism. On the other hand, it is often believed that men is better at this role as they have better physical and mental well-being. One study suggested that women generally have higher emotional issues which can cause them to severely suffer and traumatise after the war. Due to this, generals and government frequently prohibit females to involve in the battlefield. Additionally, monthly menstruations frequently distract them, as it can cause unwanted pain and stress that can contribute to the body's stamina. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that women should play an equal role as men in the country's force, since they can bring different skills and opinion to guide the nation.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that females are
equally
significant as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to fight for criminals and wars, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are not
equally
the same. In my opinion, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
hold the same position as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, due to the variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and mindsets that they will bring for the country.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that regardless of genders anyone ought to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the military force and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategy and expertise that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to protect justice. In 2010,
for instance
, Lieutenant Maria Jones was the
first
Use "female".
woman
commander that was able to murder
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sadam
Hussein due to her new tactic and leadership within the team.
Furthermore
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to be in the force will increase diversity and persuade stability in the country, since they have extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to fight terrorism.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is better at this role as they have better physical and mental well-being. One study suggested that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
generally
have higher emotional issues which can cause them to
severely
suffer and
Possible spelling mistake. 'traumatise' is British English.
traumatise
after the war. Due to this, generals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
frequently
prohibit females to involve in the battlefield.
Additionally
, monthly
Possible spelling mistake found.
menstruations
frequently
distract them, as it can cause unwanted pain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that can contribute to the body's stamina.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should play an equal role as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the country's force, since they can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and opinion to guide the nation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Question 4 Cognitive dissonance. Using the example discussed by the professor explain what cognitive dissonance is and how people often deal with it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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