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14. Do you make decisions quickly or take your time making them? Use reasons to support response. v.1

14. Do you make decisions quickly or take your time making them? Use reasons to support response. v. 1
play online games is very famous in almost all age-groups and countries. However, many parents hold an opinion that these do not have much curriculum significance but hazardous impacts. I agree with this statement. To begin with, playing more virtual games lead to having negative effects on the player’s health. People who indulge in this activity they do not participate in physical sports. As a result, they become prone to obesity and it's related diseases such as diabetes and high lipid profiles. In other words, it adds to encouraging them to live a sedentary lifestyle. For instance, it was revealed in an experiment by Oxford University that individuals who played consoles had 50% more chances to become diabetic as compared to those who did not. Similarly, sticking to the computer screens to play virtual games makes people addicted to them, especially children. What they do is that they start ignoring their studies because they find to do this exciting. Consequently, it affect their grades at school. These online consoles are designed and developed in a way to attract masses, this is the reason they get attracted to them. To exemplify, a recent study by the London School found out that children who were addicted to PubG performed 40% poorly in class tests in comparison to their counterparts who did not play it at all. To conclude, I believe playing games on the computer or mobile phone have adverse impacts because it promotes people to adopt the none-active living style and affect academic performance of school-goers due to being addicted to these. It is recommended that parents should limit time for children to play these and adults should take part in more physical sports.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
play
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in almost all age-groups and countries.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents hold an opinion that these do not have much curriculum significance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hazardous impacts. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, playing more virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
lead to having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the player’s health.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
indulge in this activity they do not participate in physical sports.
As a result
, they become prone to obesity and it's related diseases such as diabetes and high lipid profiles.
In other words
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to encouraging them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, it
was revealed
in an experiment by Oxford University that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
played consoles had 50% more chances to become diabetic as compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not.

Similarly
, sticking to the computer screens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
addicted to them,
especially
children. What they do is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
ignoring their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find to do this exciting.
Consequently
, it
Did you mean "affects"?
affect
their grades at school. These online consoles
are designed
and developed in a way to attract masses, this is the reason they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to them. To exemplify, a recent study by the London School found out that children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were addicted
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
PubG
performed 40%
poorly
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
in comparison
to their counterparts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
it at all.

To conclude
, I believe playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer or mobile phone have adverse impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it promotes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to adopt the none-active living style and affect academic performance of school-goers due to
being addicted
to these. It
is recommended
that parents should limit time for children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
these and adults should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in more physical sports.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay 14. Do you make decisions quickly or take your time making them? Use reasons to support response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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