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The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amount of money This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amount of money This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development v. 1
Recently, a dramatic fall in the educational measures has been observed by many people, especially in the part of mathematics, reading and writing proficiency. There are a variety of possible reasons for this including the inconsiderate use of modern technology and changes in classroom activities, but steps can be taken to tackle this problem. Reaching this degree of shallow knowledge can be attributed to two main reasons. The most remarkable one is that most of students depend on the modern technology. A typical example for this is the excessive use of gadgets in learning such as calculators and smart phones instead of using mental abilities. Consequently, the students’ mental abilities have sharply decreased in the recent years. Another major factor is the manners by which the students interact with their mentors. For example, allowing them to excessively use gadgets in texting or submitting their homework via emails, which automatically proofread writing mistakes, negatively affect their writing ability. None of this would have been possible without the exaggerating use of modern technology. On the other hand, several measures can be taken to resolve this issue. Initially, using students’ mental abilities in education should be encouraged instead of depending on electronics. For instance, governments recently have held several competitions in mathematics and spelling. This would result in maintaining a superior level in literacy and numeracy. One further measure can be encouraging students to use pen and paper such as giving them extra marks on good handwriting and well organized papers. In a consequence, students will compete in improving their writing abilities. In conclusion, electronic devices have promoted our abilities in communication and solving problems, yet using them excessively in young age will diminish one’s mental abilities and hand writing. Hence, balanced use of gadgets and encouraging students to enhance their mental capabilities will result in a knowledgeable generation.
Recently, a dramatic fall in the educational measures has
been observed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
in the part of mathematics, reading and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
proficiency. There are a variety of possible reasons for this including the inconsiderate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern technology and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in classroom activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steps can
be taken
to tackle this problem.

Reaching this degree of shallow knowledge can
be attributed
to two main reasons. The most remarkable one is that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
depend on the modern technology. A typical example for this is the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of gadgets in learning such as calculators and smart phones
instead
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
have
sharply
decreased in the recent years. Another major factor is the manners by which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
interact with their mentors.
For example
, allowing them to
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
gadgets in texting or submitting their homework via emails, which
automatically
proofread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
mistakes,
negatively
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
. None of this would have been possible without the exaggerating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern technology.

On the other hand
, several measures can
be taken
to resolve this issue.
Initially
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
in education should
be encouraged
instead
of depending on electronics.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
recently have held several competitions in mathematics and spelling. This would result in maintaining a superior level in literacy and numeracy. One
further
measure can be encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
pen and paper such as giving them extra marks on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
handwriting and well organized papers. In a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will compete in improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
abilities.

In conclusion
, electronic devices have promoted our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
in communication and solving problems,
yet
using them
excessively
in young age will diminish one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
and hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
.
Hence
, balanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of gadgets and encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
capabilities will result in a knowledgeable generation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amount of money This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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