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Some TV programmes video of violent games and other leisure activities are harmful on children How harmful they are What can be done to solve these problems v.1

Some TV programmes video of violent games and other leisure activities are harmful on children How harmful they are What can be done to solve these problems v. 1
In an attempt to stem down traffic congestion in countries, it has been suggested by some that heavy tax be placed on noncommercial cars and possibly utilise the fund for cheap railway trip. In my opinion, an effective control of the flow of private vehicles into the cities and restriction if their movement in terms of some days in a week will be more convenient and efficient to reduce traffic jams. A number of private cars from suburbs flow into the metropolis daily. This contributes in no small way to the transport gridlock in the cities. Using the recent research conducted by the Federal Road Safety Corps as an illustration, it revealed that 87% of noncommercial vehicles in the cities are from rural areas. Thus, limiting their entry will go a long way to solve the hectic traffic. Also, restriction as regards movement and driving time for private cars can as well reduce road burden. This will be possible by placing an embargo on them during the week to ease non hindrance to public buses around. However, in order to embark on a free or very cheap rail project, countries can seek for foreign aid grants from International Donors with proper and adequate memorandum of understanding (MOU) devoid of fraud. Concession of such project in the hand of the foreign donor will facilitate quick result. Furthermore, borrowing is better than placing heavy tax burden on private cars, in as much as, private vehicles are not the only cars plying the roads daily. In conclusion, as imposing heavy tax on private cars to resolve congestion is not as convenient as controlling their inflow into the cities, seeking for international partnership to embark on rail construction is incomparable to none.
In an attempt to stem down traffic congestion in countries, it has
been suggested
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that heavy tax
be placed
on noncommercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and
possibly
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the fund for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
railway trip. In my opinion, an effective control of the flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
vehicles into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and restriction if their movement in terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days in a week will be more convenient and efficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
traffic jams.

A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
from suburbs flow into the metropolis daily. This contributes in no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
way to the transport gridlock in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Using the recent research conducted by the Federal Road Safety Corps as an illustration, it revealed that 87% of noncommercial vehicles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are from rural areas.
Thus
, limiting their entry will go a long way to solve the hectic traffic.
Also
, restriction as regards movement and driving time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can
as well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
road burden. This will be possible by placing an embargo on them during the week to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
non hindrance to public buses around.

However
, in order to embark on a free or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
rail project, countries can seek for foreign aid grants from International Donors with proper and adequate memorandum of understanding (
Possible spelling mistake found.
MOU
) devoid of fraud. Concession of such project in the hand of the foreign donor will facilitate quick result.
Furthermore
, borrowing is better than placing heavy tax burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, in as much as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
vehicles are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
plying the roads daily.

In conclusion
, as imposing heavy tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to resolve congestion is not as convenient as controlling their inflow into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, seeking for international partnership to embark on rail construction is incomparable to none.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some TV programmes video of violent games and other leisure activities are harmful on children How harmful they are What can be done to solve these problems v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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