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The Professor explains how children learn to count. Explain how is it related to number sense? v.1

The Professor explains how children learn to count. Explain how is it related to number sense? v. 1
In modern times, young adults are spending more time with their friends than with their families. It is identified that the new generation is out at coffee shops and other social hang out areas with friends. There are several reasons for the same. The essay, will discuss the lifestyle today, which has impacted the behaviour of today's youngsters. These days, social media has become very popular, where the youth are involved and feel the compulsion to be part of all platforms. Due to the above, it is noted that the youth spend more time with friends to fulfil the need of being up to date with current trends. Perhaps, it is the general attitude of youngsters that if they are not social they may not be accepted in circles with the same value and respect they deserve. For example, Instagram is so popular amongst the youth, they try to spend as much time as possible outside clicking pictures, visiting places, only to be more popular on the Internet. In my opinion, it is not advisable to force children to spend more time at home, however, it is important to teach them to create a balance between family and friends. Family helps in keeping up ties with elderly and at the same time grow with cultural values. Friends, help in developing bonds outside of blood relations and develop empathy towards other cultures. Creating a balance, helps in developing the personality of children where they are bold to face new people, at the same time are anchored to cultural values. It is recommended that parents discipline children at a younger age by limiting the amount of time they spend on electronic devices. In addition, parents should also have a control on the amount of time a child spends outside of their home with friends at a younger age. For instance, if children are to spend 6 hours a day in school or college, they should be allowed to spend an hour with friends after school and probably an hour of screen time (which is controlled and monitored). This would allow children to spend the remaining time developing their personal skills and also increase their involvement with family. To conclude, these days, there is a high influence of the Internet on the behaviour of youngsters. Which, has led to a lifestyle, where, there is limited time spent with family. Therefore, it is important that parents strike the right balance at an early age, while also, not forcing children to follow a set of rules, that may not be acceptable by the child leading to a rebellious nature.
In modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, young adults are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
than with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. It
is identified
that the new generation is out at coffee shops and other social hang out areas with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. There are several reasons for the same. The essay, will discuss the lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, which has impacted the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youngsters.

These days, social media has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular, where the youth
are involved
and feel the compulsion to be part of all platforms. Due to the above, it
is noted
that the youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to fulfil the need of being up to date with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trends. Perhaps, it is the general attitude of youngsters that if they are not social they may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in circles with the same value and respect they deserve.
For example
, Instagram is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular amongst the youth, they try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as possible outside clicking pictures, visiting places,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to be more popular on the Internet.

In my opinion, it is not advisable to force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home,
however
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to teach them to create a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in keeping up ties with elderly and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
grow with cultural values.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friends
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing bonds outside of blood relations and develop empathy towards other cultures. Creating a balance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in developing the personality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
where they are bold to face new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are anchored
to cultural values. It
is recommended
that parents discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a younger age by limiting the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on electronic devices.
In addition
, parents should
also
have a control on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their home with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
at a younger age.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
6 hours a day in school or college, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
an hour with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
after school and
probably
an hour of screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
(which
is controlled
and monitored). This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
developing their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
increase their involvement with family.

To conclude
, these days, there is a high influence of the Internet on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of youngsters. Which, has led to a lifestyle, where, there
is limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that parents strike the right balance at an early age, while
also
, not forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow a set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, that may not be acceptable by the child leading to a rebellious nature.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay The Professor explains how children learn to count. Explain how is it related to number sense? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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