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q3. The man explains his opinion about the new rules. Explain his opinion and the reasons he gives for holding it. v.1

q3. The man explains his opinion about the new rules. Explain his opinion and the reasons he gives for holding it. v. 1
Sports have gradually become a hotly-debated topic that everyone concerned about. People have different views about succeeding in sports. Some believe achievement in sport is due to physical conditions while others consider that mental state is more important. In this essay I will examine both points of view. To begin with, physical condition is one of the most important aspects in achieving in sports. In order to succeed in sports one has to be well-build and healthy enough. Take football, for instance, winning this game demands varied range of skills, abilities and strengths. If an athlete starts spending less training time on physical strength and conditioning, the extra strength advantage, which directly translates to his best performance on his field, might be lost. Hence, achievements in some matches and tournaments depend a lot on the physical fitness of a player. On the other hand, without strong mentality and positive attitudes, making achievements is a Herculean task. Individual's mental status is an essential factor which has a huge impact on how the athlete will play on the sports ground. For example, a basketball player met through an unhappy event before his match, may not be able to concentrate on his playing field. Therefore the importance of mental factors is a permanent element which contributes to success. To sum up, in my point of view, both physical health and mental development have a great influence on an accomplishment in sports. Thus, none of this abilities are more crucial than the other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
have
gradually
become a
hotly
-debated topic that everyone concerned about.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about succeeding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe achievement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
conditions while others consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
state is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In this essay I will examine both points of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
condition is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in achieving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In order to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be well-build and healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. Take football,
for instance
, winning this game demands varied range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, abilities and strengths. If an athlete
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
spending less training time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength and conditioning, the extra strength advantage, which
directly
translates to his best performance on his field, might
be lost
.
Hence
, achievements in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
matches and tournaments depend a lot on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness of a player.

On the other hand
, without strong mentality and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitudes, making achievements is a Herculean task. Individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
status is an essential factor which has a huge impact on how the athlete will play on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
ground.
For example
, a basketball player met through an unhappy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
his match, may not be able to concentrate on his playing field.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
factors is a permanent element which contributes to success.

To sum up, in my point of view, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
development have a great influence on an accomplishment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Thus
, none of
Did you mean "these"?
this
abilities are more crucial than the other.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay q3. The man explains his opinion about the new rules. Explain his opinion and the reasons he gives for holding it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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