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Q5. 18 The student wants to go to Montreal to learn French but he doesn't have money to get visa. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v.1

Q5. 18 The student wants to go to Montreal to learn French but he doesn't have money to get visa. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1
It is thought that children should always adhere strictly to the opinions and suggestions of their parents. Personally, I partially agree with this view, and will give my reasons below. On the one hand, some parental advice would help develop young children’s positive character traits, allowing them to grow up as good members of society. Children are not born knowing what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Therefore, it may not be impossible for children to misbehave without their parents’ constructive suggestions. For example, most children are often taught during childhood to share their favourite toys with their friends, to always tell the truth, to treat others with respect, to help those who are less advantaged or needy people, and so on. This in turn may make them caring, thoughtful, responsible and well-mannered human beings when they reach adulthood. For the reason, parents ’guidance could positively influence children’s behavior and shape them as they mature. Nevertheless, I believe that older children should not look to their parents for consultation before making any crucial decision related to their own lives. This is because many parents often ignore their children’s wants, likes, and dreams of the future while they are giving their thoughts. Thus, they may cause their children to make the wrong choice and face the consequences afterwards. To illustrate, when it comes to professional choices, many parents often suggest their children follow in their footsteps. If the children heed the advice, they may be left with a job that could leave them feeling bored, frustrated, or worn out since they may not be excellent or passionate about the field. In my view, it may be not necessary for children to consult their parents about some significant matters so that they could avoid making mistakes and gain the greatest amount of satisfaction and fulfilment. In conclusion, while listening to parents can be seen as beneficial to children’s personality development, I am convinced that for their own sake, children should make their own decisions by themselves.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should always adhere
strictly
to the opinions and suggestions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Personally
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, and will give my reasons below.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parental advice would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
character traits, allowing them to grow up as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are not born knowing what is acceptable and unacceptable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
, it may not be impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to misbehave without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
constructive suggestions.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
taught during childhood to share their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
toys with their friends, to always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the truth, to treat others with respect, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those who are less advantaged or needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This in turn may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them caring, thoughtful, responsible and well-mannered human beings when they reach adulthood. For the reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
’guidance could
positively
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
behavior and shape them as they mature.

Nevertheless
, I believe that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not look to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for consultation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any crucial decision related to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
wants, likes, and dreams of the future while they are giving their thoughts.
Thus
, they may cause their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choice and face the consequences afterwards. To illustrate, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to professional choices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suggest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow in their footsteps. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
heed the advice, they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with a job that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them feeling bored, frustrated, or worn out since they may not be excellent or passionate about the field. In my view, it may be not necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to consult their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant matters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could avoid making mistakes and gain the greatest amount of satisfaction and
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.

In conclusion
, while listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality development, I
am convinced
that for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sake,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions by themselves.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Q5. 18 The student wants to go to Montreal to learn French but he doesn't have money to get visa. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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