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Your student visa is going to expire soon and hence you need to apply for a temporary residency. Write to the immigration officer requesting for this. Describe: Your current situation. What type of visa you are applying for. What you plan to do. v.1

Your student visa is going to expire soon and hence you need to apply for a temporary residency. Write to the immigration officer requesting for this. Describe: Your current situation. What type of visa you are applying for. What you plan to do. v. 1
At first, Tourism is the process of visiting from one place to another and from one country to another. Nowadays, the process is increased excessively. Whereas, Tourism sector is becoming the main sources of incomes and this process is exceed world widely. I, partially agree with this statement. Firstly, In Nepal thousand visitor's are coming annually from out out countries. Especially, they are coming forward looking the view of the beautiful scenery, mountains and other natural resources. In other hand, Nepal is a multicultural country. Different caste has their own traditions. So, our culture is the main ways to attract the tourists. But, Nepali culture is extinct day by day. For example, from food to dresses they all are copied from western culture. The preferred of Western traditions is highly increased. It seems to be a fashionable and nice but, this thing badly impacts on social and historical environments. Secondly, This type of things creates a lot of advantages and disadvantages. From the view of income, it helps in the development of tourism as well as in incomes. It may provide the opportunity of employment, Although it helps to decrease the poverty of our country. Yet, there are disadvantages too, its may influence in own culture. At last However, they are loosing the importance of own countries. Also, it may deficit socially and environmentally. In conclusion, i want to conclude by saying that we have right to preserve and promote our culture and tradition. Because, the pride and the biggest wealth of our country is a culture. So, money makes man wealthy, but our culture make well known in the world. Eventually Tourism, although being a major source of income to many countries has negative effects on local culture and environment. These effects are seen after a long time.
At
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
is the process of visiting from one place to another and from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another. Nowadays, the process
is increased
excessively
. Whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
sector is becoming the main sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incomes
and this process is
Consider using a past participle here: "exceeded".
exceed
world
widely
. I,
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
, In Nepal
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
visitor's
are coming
annually
from
Possible typo: you repeated a word
out out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Especially
, they are coming
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
forward looking
the view of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenery, mountains and other natural resources. In other hand, Nepal is a multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
caste has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is the main ways to attract the tourists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, Nepali
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is extinct day by day.
For example
, from food to dresses they all
are copied
from western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. The preferred of Western traditions is
highly
increased. It seems to be a fashionable and nice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, this thing
badly
impacts on social and historical environments.

Secondly
, This type of things creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages and disadvantages. From the view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
as well
as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incomes
. It may provide the opportunity of employment, Although it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to decrease the poverty of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Yet
, there are disadvantages too, its may influence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. At last
However
, they are
Did you mean "losing the"?
loosing the
importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Also
, it
The word 'deficit' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
may deficit
socially
and
environmentally
.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
want
to conclude
by saying that we have right to preserve and promote our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the pride and the biggest wealth of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
wealthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
well known in the world.
Eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
, although being a major source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and environment. These effects are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
after a long time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your student visa is going to expire soon and hence you need to apply for a temporary residency. Write to the immigration officer requesting for this. Describe: Your current situation. What type of visa you are applying for. What you plan to do. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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