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You have a friend who is about to enter university, and he/she wants you to advise him/her on which subject to specialize in – history, in which he is very interested, or computer science, which offers better job prospects. Write a response letter to thi v.1

You have a friend who is about to enter university, and he/she wants you to advise him/her on which subject to specialize in – history, in which he is very interested, or computer science, which offers better job prospects. Write a response letter to thi v. 1
Throughout the history, craftsmen (artists or musician) in the entertainment industry have had a significant place and prominence. As a result, these people were paid high wages. While some believe that there are other professions which ought to be given higher salaries, others are against this proposition. This essay will discuss why it is entirely necessary for entertainers should to be paid higher wages and outlines other mandatory and indispensable jobs which need to pay adequately, if not higher income. Certainly, Entertainment industry such as music, cinema or sports are one of the most important vent out for the public. In order to keep them entertained, sport persons or actors have to work hard and undergo many life sacrifices. On top of that, lifetime of these fields is limited and will have higher competition, they should perform with consistent dedication to sustain for longer periods in that field. A cricketer, for instance, as their retirement age is 40 cannot survive the rest of his life, if he is not paid well. So, with their commitment and prolonged hours of any art should be encouraged with wages. Despite of these, there are some important jobs which need to be given high income as a token of their duty especially jobs in emergency need or life saving jobs. A doctor, for example, should be given high wages as they work around the clock to save lives of hundreds and thousands, such people should be given high priority as they are necessary for the society and the country. Likewise, construction site workers, military people should be highly paid as their working incessantly although they are aware of the dangers or threats. Therefore, it's extremely important to provide proper, if not, more wages as they are inevitable for the public safety and welfare. In conclusion, this essay discussed the importance of entertainers and reasons behind their high wages. In my perspective, certain jobs should be the highest priority and should paid well as they are essential for the human progress at the same time art needs the same support and paying them well will be the outcome of their hard work.
Throughout the history, craftsmen (artists or musician) in the entertainment industry have had a significant place and prominence.
As a result
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wages. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that there are other professions which ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
higher salaries, others are against this proposition. This essay will discuss why it is
entirely
necessary for entertainers should to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
higher wages and outlines other mandatory and indispensable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay
adequately
, if not higher income.

Certainly
, Entertainment industry such as music, cinema or sports are one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
vent out for the public. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them entertained, sport persons or actors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and undergo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
life sacrifices.
On top of that
, lifetime of these fields
is limited
and will have higher competition, they should perform with consistent dedication to sustain for longer periods in that field. A cricketer,
for instance
, as their retirement age is 40
Possible agreement error. The noun 'cannot' seems to be countable, so consider using: "cans".
cannot
survive the rest of his life, if he is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, with their commitment and prolonged hours of any art should
be encouraged
with wages.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
these, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income as a token of their duty
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in emergency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
or life saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. A doctor,
for example
, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wages as they work around the clock to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of hundreds and thousands, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
priority as they are necessary for the society and the country.
Likewise
, construction site workers, military
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
as their working
incessantly
although they are aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
or threats.
Therefore
, it's
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to provide proper, if not, more wages as they are inevitable for the public safety and welfare.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the importance of entertainers and reasons behind their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wages. In my perspective, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should be the highest priority and should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "pay"
paid
well as they are essential for the human progress at the same time art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
the same support and paying them well will be the outcome of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You have a friend who is about to enter university, and he/she wants you to advise him/her on which subject to specialize in – history, in which he is very interested, or computer science, which offers better job prospects. Write a response letter to thi v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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