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Q5. 17 The man wants to go to a concert and he doesn't have time to finish his history paper. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v.1

Q5. 17 The man wants to go to a concert and he doesn't have time to finish his history paper. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1
Some believer thinks wider open space in newly build school is essential, It has both pros and cons. Before expressing my opinion, both views need to be discussed, so in further paragraph both aspects are discussed thoroughly. Firstly, fraction of thinkers argues that for sustainable development of child growth it is necessary to have a wider area in institutions, where they can play and do extra curricular activities which leads to their better mental and physical health. Scientifically it has been proved that when the upbringing of the child is healthy the they perform better in the future. Secondly, It provides an abundant field for all students to enjoy their free time along with that they get time to spend moments in the grasp of nature. Additionally, It is believed that in wider area there air quality is purer rather than cosy areas as air passes fluently and frequently in an open location. On the contrary, It is very hard to arrange large open zone for the construction in a metropolitan city. For instance, recently a magazine published an article which stated that day by day vacant space is diminishing rapidly which can cause a great danger for future generation. At the time of urbanization the cost of area is too much high that an owner of institution compromises with the territory. It is also believed that if the area is big then maintenance charge also increases as well as the responsibility of the faculty to manage students which they think of as a burden. Moreover, Management gets less territory to utilize in the construction which leads to loss in revenue. To conclude, it can be said that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In my opinion development of young ones cannot be compromised due to the high expenses of the organization so the wider open arena is required in newly build education centres.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
space in
newly
build school is essential, It has both pros and cons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
expressing my opinion, both views need to
be discussed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in
further
paragraph both aspects
are discussed
thoroughly
.

Firstly
, fraction of thinkers argues that for sustainable development of child growth it is necessary to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in institutions, where they can play and do
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities which leads to their better mental and physical health.
Scientifically
it has
been proved
that when the upbringing of the child is healthy
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "they"?
the they
perform better in the future.
Secondly
, It provides an abundant field for all students to enjoy their free time along with that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to spend moments in the grasp of nature.
Additionally
, It
is believed
that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
there air quality is purer
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake. 'cosy' is British English.
cosy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
as air passes
fluently
and
frequently
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
location.

On the contrary
, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to arrange large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
zone for the construction in a metropolitan city.
For instance
, recently a magazine published an article which stated that day by day vacant space is diminishing
rapidly
which can cause a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for future generation. At the time of urbanization the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is too much high that an owner of institution compromises with the territory. It is
also
believed that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
then maintenance charge
also
increases
as well
as the responsibility of the faculty to manage students which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of as a burden.
Moreover
, Management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
less territory to utilize in the construction which leads to loss in revenue.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In my opinion development of young ones cannot
be compromised
due to the high expenses of the organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
arena
is required
in
newly
build education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Q5. 17 The man wants to go to a concert and he doesn't have time to finish his history paper. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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