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q4 Explain why many countries have staked claims in Antarctica and why national interest have not been perused. v.1

q4 Explain why many countries have staked claims in Antarctica and why national interest have not been perused. v. 1
It is often said that "prevention is better than cure". Out of a nation strength expenditure, an enormous ratio ought to be shifted from treatment to expense on health education and preventable steps. I firmly accord that money should be spent on health knowledge. Firstly, if the money divert in providing fitness knowledge, it would be a huge change because sometimes people do not know about health literacy, and they caught up by some disease which can be treated but treatment cost an arm and a leg. To exemplify, in village so many people caught up by infectious disease which can be cured by little education of well-being. Secondly, these measures can take by simply doing, such as TV commercial, advertisement, and street show. Moreover, this also can be stopped by telling the side effects of tobacco and alcoholic drinks. Furthermore, the government should encourage and aware the public of diseases can prevent by doing yoga or gym. For example, as per report of Times of India few studies shows the government initiative of stop smoking was successful hence, of the advertisements and street shows. In addition, there are about millions of people who smoke everyday half of a million people left smoking because of what happen after smoking side effects seen on TV. Finally, these moneys spent on hygiene knowledge and preventable measures by countries are huge and after certain time this can be profitable for that country's economy and people can be able to spend that fund on good things. To sum up, I agree that prevention is better than cure because which disease can be tackled via preventative measures and education so it ought to be the best spend on fitness information and preventable steps.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
prevention is better than cure
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Out of a nation strength expenditure, an enormous ratio ought to
be shifted
from treatment to expense on health education and preventable steps. I
firmly
accord that money should
be spent
on health knowledge.

Firstly
, if the money divert in providing fitness knowledge, it would be a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know about health literacy, and they caught up by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
which can
be treated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
treatment cost an arm and a leg. To exemplify, in village
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
caught up by infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
which can
be cured
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
education of well-being.

Secondly
, these measures can take by
simply
doing, such as TV commercial, advertisement, and street
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.
Moreover
, this
also
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
by telling the side effects of tobacco and alcoholic drinks.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage and aware the public of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
by doing yoga or gym.
For example
, as per report of Times of India few studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
initiative of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
smoking was successful
hence
, of the advertisements and street
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
In addition
, there are about millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who smoke everyday half of a million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
smoking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of what happen after smoking side effects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on TV.

Finally
, these moneys spent on hygiene knowledge and preventable measures by countries are huge and after certain time this can be profitable for that country's economy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be able to spend that fund on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that prevention is better than cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
can
be tackled
via preventative measures and education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it ought to be the best spend on fitness information and preventable steps.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay q4 Explain why many countries have staked claims in Antarctica and why national interest have not been perused. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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