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A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
Change is not a natural aspect for everyone. While some always stick to traditional norms and given values, there are few who are entirely innovation-oriented and always busy to make progress. This essay will discuss both sides of the issue as And my viewpoint at the end. Perhaps the most crucial reason why many tend not to change at all lies in the pattern of the human brain itself. Neurologists revealed that human's brain always tries to be in a comfortable situation whatsoever, therefore, new environments, contexts or activities trigger fear and anxiety. This is why majority less likely to do physical exercise or put effort in learning a new language despite knowing its enormous rewards. Another reason to be apprehensive about playing in safe position is connected to religious doctrine. Arguably, those ideologies forbid individuals to make changes in its original form. Furthermore, there 8is also a great deal of regulations regarding limited mobility and desire in most religions which not only impose its followers to alter the given conditions, but also make them believe that it Invincible. Clearly, this fatalistic notion deters many to take necessary steps. For instance, many Hindu preachers and Buddhist monks in Asian regions follow the given doctrine religiously and never try to bring new in their whole lives whatsoever. On the contrary, those who are change-oriented and creativity-driven are often possessed progressive attitudes. Usually they are opportunistic in nature and always looking forward to innovation. Additionally, they are not influenced by dogma, superstitions rather they would do everything to reach their goals-- change business pattern, customize rules, attend seminars, read books, hair coach to train, etc. To enhance company's activities or maximize profit, for example. Amazingly, pioneers and top successful leaders or scientists often driven by this standpoint. Overall, it seems reasonable to conclude that although both ideologies have a distinct set of codes which motivate their followers to stick to it, the latter one is outweighing its benefits to society than the former because the modern human life is hugely debt to those who brought new amenities, opportunities, laws to make the world new and lively through their insane urge towards change unlike the conservationists who never imagined to do that.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Change
is not a natural aspect for everyone. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
always stick to traditional norms and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
values, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
entirely
innovation-oriented and always busy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progress. This essay will discuss both sides of the issue as

And my viewpoint at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Perhaps the most crucial reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tend not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
at all lies in the pattern of the human brain itself. Neurologists revealed that human's brain always tries to be in a comfortable situation whatsoever,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environments, contexts or activities trigger fear and anxiety. This is why majority less likely to do physical exercise or put effort in learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
language despite knowing its enormous rewards. Another reason to be apprehensive about playing in safe position
is connected
to religious doctrine.
Arguably
, those ideologies forbid individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in its original form.
Furthermore
, there 8is
also
a great deal of regulations regarding limited mobility and desire in most religions which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
impose its followers to alter the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them believe that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
Invincible.
Clearly
, this fatalistic notion deters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to take necessary steps.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Hindu preachers and Buddhist monks in Asian regions follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
doctrine
religiously
and never try to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
in their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
whatsoever.

On the contrary
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
-oriented and creativity-driven are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
possessed progressive attitudes.
Usually
they are opportunistic in nature and always looking forward to innovation.
Additionally
, they are not influenced by dogma, superstitions
rather
they would do everything to reach their goals--
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
business pattern, customize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, attend seminars, read books, hair coach to train, etc. To enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's activities or maximize profit,
for example
.
Amazingly
, pioneers and top successful leaders or scientists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
driven by this standpoint.

Overall
, it seems reasonable
to conclude
that although both ideologies have a distinct set of codes which motivate their followers to stick to it, the latter one is outweighing its benefits to society than the former
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the modern human life is
hugely
debt to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
amenities, opportunities, laws to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and lively through their insane urge towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
unlike the conservationists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
never
The verb 'imagined' is used with the gerund form: "imagined doing".
imagined to do
that.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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