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3. 11 The school is implementing a 30-minute mandatory computer course. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. state her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

3. 11 The school is implementing a 30-minute mandatory computer course. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. state her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
With each day, internet becoming popular among sources of material as we can find most data about the lifestyle and history on the websites, as a result museums and other type cultural centres is not needed anymore. I partially agree with this point, all of us use the Internet as a source of knowledge at that moment as we use the internet we wouldn't pay extra money for visiting cultural centres like museums and we can get all instruction about the history and culture of the country without leaving home, as a result we can save our money and spend it for any useful things, for instance, people can buy a dress for their daughter or buy an interesting book for their sun. First of all, in my point of view, museums are popular over a big period of time, because we can observe the items which have historical meaning and invaluable, by doing this we can get valuable knowledge and experience which would be helpful during our life. For instance, if people go to the museum they can find out how was the life of people who lived in the different time period. They can imagine that they are in that same time and place, and they get impressions from this kind of event. Secondly, despite the availability of museums, there is an easy way to be aware of the cultural and historical knowledge, which I would say that it is very convenient and without extra payment. Furthermore, nowadays, there are a lot of online museums which are available on the most websites, as a result, you can observe the reduced model of the famous museums of the defined area. In conclusion, I would say that I agree with point, which is most comfortable and without any kind of difficulties and without extra payment. Because of rapidly improving the opportunities of the internet, I would prefer the online source of intelligence.
With each day, internet becoming popular among sources of material as we can find most data about the lifestyle and history on the websites,
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and other type cultural
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
is not needed anymore. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point, all of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet as a source of knowledge at that moment as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet we wouldn't pay extra money for visiting cultural
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
like
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
museums and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all instruction about the history and culture of the country without leaving home,
as a result
we can save our money and
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
any useful things,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a dress for their daughter or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an interesting book for their sun.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are popular over a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
period of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can observe the items which have historical meaning and invaluable, by doing this we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
valuable knowledge and experience which would be helpful during our life.
For instance
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
they can find out how was the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
time period. They can imagine that they are in that same time and place, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
impressions from this kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

Secondly
, despite the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, there is an easy way to be aware of the cultural and historical knowledge, which I would say that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient and without extra payment.
Furthermore
, nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which are available on the most websites,
as a result
, you can observe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
model of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
of the defined area.

In conclusion
, I would say that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with point, which is most comfortable and without any kind of difficulties and without extra payment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
rapidly
improving the opportunities of the internet, I would prefer the online source of intelligence.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay 3. 11 The school is implementing a 30-minute mandatory computer course. The woman expresses her opinion about the announcement. state her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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