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Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v.2

Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2
These days, due to developing technology, people have to spend the most proportion of their time on their workplaces. They have to struggle with different kinds of problems from early in the morning to late at night under stressful situations. The fast changes put people under tremendous pressure and they do not have enough time to devote for their entertainments. Therefore, people are not satisfied because of negative effect of technologies on their life in comparison with people who lived in the past without any significant changes in their life style. In my opinion, in last few decades, the most proportion of people was happy by spending more time on their pleasure without having stress about their situation in their life. They had simple lifestyle and were satisfied easily with their lives by doing simple activities. In contrast, nowadays, the level of satisfaction is increased by inventing new technologies and people expect the new convenient makes their lives easier than what it actually do. For example, by inventing computer, the most percentages of company use it to increase their productivity while it has certain errors that cannot be overlooked easily. Moreover, people have to adopt with changes that occurred around them every day while they do not prepare for these changes. When people are enforced to accept the certain changes without preparation, little by little they get disappointed. For instance, people have to learn computer literacy in order to adopt with a wide variety of technologies that are related to computer programming like communication technologies. When they would not be able to learn computer literacy, they have to spend more time to learn it under pressure which will eventually lead to increasing psychological problems. On the other hand, it cannot be overlooked that some scholars believe that the level of happiness is increased thanks to development of technologies. The scope of entertainments is doubled compared with this scope in the past. The youth are so happy because of taking advantages of using advanced telecommunication technologies while in the past, they were sad because they had to struggle with specific problems like domestic wars, dangerous diseases, and resource scarcity. In conclusion, I personally think that the changes play important role to decrease the level of being happy because the society have to follow these changes and accept their negative consequences. These days, the community is under specific situation to face with different challenges while in the past, people faced with simple challenges that had easy solutions.
These days, due to developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend the most proportion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their workplaces. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of problems from early in the morning to late at night under stressful situations. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under tremendous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pressure and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to devote for their entertainments.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not satisfied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
on their life
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
without any significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in their life style.

In my opinion, in last few decades, the most proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was happy by spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their pleasure without having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
about their situation in their life. They had simple lifestyle and
were satisfied
easily
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by doing simple activities.
In contrast
, nowadays, the level of satisfaction
is increased
by inventing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the new convenient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier than what it actually
Did you mean "does"?
do
.
For example
, by inventing computer, the most percentages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to increase their productivity while it has certain errors that cannot
be overlooked
easily
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adopt with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
that occurred around them every day while they do not prepare for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enforced
to accept the certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
without preparation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disappointed.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn computer literacy in order to adopt with a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
that
are related
to computer programming like communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. When they would not be able to learn computer literacy, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn it under pressure which will
eventually
lead to increasing psychological problems.

On the other hand
, it cannot
be overlooked
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholars believe that the level of happiness
is increased
thanks to development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. The scope of entertainments
is doubled
compared with this scope in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. The youth are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of taking advantages of using advanced telecommunication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
while in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, they were sad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had to struggle with specific problems like domestic wars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases, and resource scarcity.

In conclusion
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to decrease the level of being happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and accept their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. These days, the community is under specific situation to face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
challenges while in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
faced with simple challenges that had easy solutions.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
415 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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