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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are. v.613

Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are. v. 613
These days thanks to development communication technologies, people are bombarded with advertisements which are very fantasy and unreliable. I personally agree that advertisements make the quality of product exaggerate in order to increase the rate of sale. The most proportion of these advertisements tries to influence on people minds and use psychological strategies to attract more people. For instance, specific product is advertised with the high quality at the beautiful package while in fact, its quality is not so good and deceives people. In some cases, people run into a problem when used these products and would not be able to complain. In addition, some kinds of advertisements invites famous people to attract more customer and assure them that famous people used their products. By exaggerating the feature of products and the level of satisfaction of their eminent fans, these advertisements make significant profits for a small group of people. In fact, they abuse from the sense of people to buy merchandise that are not really suitable. For example, certain drinks or foods that seem so delicious when are served by eminent actors or actress while they really have terrible taste. Furthermore, specific advertisements that are related to sell apartment, use special strategies to show the advantages of buying these apartments which are including: air condition system, security, fantastic view and reasonable price. However, the customers who buy these houses face with several problems and even irreversible damages. As an example, the group of people who does not have enough money to buy a house was attracted by the same advertisement which I mentioned above, after purchasing the house, they found that their apartment was not safe and its air condition system was disrupted soon. They had to move to the other places while be aware that these advertisements deceive them easily. Their capitals, times and opportunities were wasted while they taught what is shown at the advertisements is real! In conclusion, I think that the most proportion of people makes their decisions based on advertisements without attention to the consequences of this false decision. They know that the most proportion of what they see on the billboard, television, radio, and internet as an advertisement is not really based on honest manner but continue to buy the products. I agree that the most of advertisements exaggerate the characteristics of goods because this way is their strategy in order to increase the number of customer.
These days
You should probably use "thank".
thanks
to development communication technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are bombarded
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fantasy and unreliable. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
exaggerate in order to increase the rate of sale.

The most proportion of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
tries to influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
minds
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
psychological strategies to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is advertised
with the high quality at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
package while in fact, its quality is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and deceives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
run into a problem when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and would not be able to complain.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
invites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attract more customer and assure them that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. By exaggerating the feature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and the level of satisfaction of their eminent fans, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
significant profits for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In fact, they abuse from the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
merchandise that are not
really
suitable.
For example
, certain drinks or foods that seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
delicious when
are served
by eminent actors or actress while they
really
have terrible taste.

Furthermore
, specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that
are related
to sell apartment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
special strategies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the advantages of buying these apartments which are including: air condition system, security, fantastic view and reasonable price.
However
, the customers who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
face with several problems and even irreversible damages. As an example, the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
was attracted
by the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
which I mentioned above, after purchasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, they found that their apartment was not safe and its air condition system
was disrupted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. They had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the other places while be aware that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
deceive them
easily
. Their capitals, times and opportunities
were wasted
while they taught what
is shown
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is real!

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the most proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their decisions based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
without attention to the consequences of this false decision. They know that the most proportion of what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the billboard, television, radio, and internet as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is not
really
based on honest manner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
exaggerate the characteristics of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this way is their strategy in order to increase the number of customer.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are. v. 613

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
404 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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