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Agree or disagree? Successful persons try new things and taking risks, rather than only doing things and what already know how to do well. v.2

Agree or disagree? Successful persons try new things and taking risks, rather than only doing things and what already know how to do well. v. 2
It is a very controversial issue that successful people take risks instead of remaining at stable situation. There are many arguments those for and those against this statement and each of them provide certain reasons to support their approach. I personally agree with this statement and bring my own idea and enforce them with examples. The most proportion of successful people is very creative persons and tries to experience new ways to reach their goals. Finding the new methods enforce them to take risk and be active to reach their purposes in comparison with being inactive and concentrate on old ways. The inventors tested different ways to invent new things and in some cases by taking risks, they get famous and create special tool which was unexpected dream. For instance, Edison experienced different kinds of ways and took risks to invent light bulb which was one of main inventions. If Edison wanted to test old ways without taking risk, other scholars and inventors invented this important and useful tool. Moreover, there are several successful business people who take risk and think different which would eventually lead to increasing their profits. For instance, Steve Jobs was one of the successful businessmen that took several risks during his professional activities and tested new roads to reach his goals. In contrast, others who prefer staying stable to changing their methods, will not be able to be successful in their majors due to lack of sufficient experiences. It is clear that, through trying new things, people can get more valuable experiences which prepare them to face with big problems. As an example, in my personal experiences, whenever, I took risks without attention to their consequences, I got the great successful. When I failed to reach my purpose, I learned how to act at the next step and tested new way instead of continuing the ways that I already knew. Furthermore, in some cases, when I got successes in my goal by taking risk, I learned how to get lesson from those changes that were occurred in my life. In conclusion, I personally agree that the successful people take the changes into account and they believe that thinking different and taking risks makes their life profound because of getting priceless experiences.
It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial issue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
instead
of remaining at stable situation. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments those for and those against this statement and each of them provide certain reasons to support their approach. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and bring my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and enforce them with examples.

The most proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
creative persons and tries to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
their goals. Finding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
methods enforce them to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and be active to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
their purposes
in comparison
with being inactive and concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. The inventors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to invent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and create special tool which
was unexpected
dream.
For instance
, Edison experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
and took
The verb 'risks' is used with the gerund form: "risks inventing".
risks to invent
light bulb which was one of main inventions. If Edison wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
without taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
, other scholars and inventors invented this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and useful tool.

Moreover
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
which would
eventually
lead to increasing their profits.
For instance
, Steve Jobs was one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
businessmen that took several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
during his professional activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
roads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
his goals.
In contrast
, others who prefer staying stable to changing their methods, will not be able to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in their majors due to lack of sufficient experiences.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, through trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which prepare them to face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problems. As an example, in my personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, whenever, I took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
without attention to their consequences, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. When I failed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
my purpose, I learned how to act at the
next
step and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
instead
of continuing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
that I already knew.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
successes in my goal by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
, I learned how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lesson from those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that
were occurred
in my life.

In conclusion
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
into
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
account and
they believe that thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life profound
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of getting priceless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree? Successful persons try new things and taking risks, rather than only doing things and what already know how to do well. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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