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Q3 TPO24The woman expresses her opinion about the student's proposal. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

Q3 TPO24The woman expresses her opinion about the student's proposal. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Entertainment is considerably vital part of our life. The government deliberately wastes money on the arts, is what asserted by few people, and they think this can be used elsewhere. In my opinion, I totally disagree, the arts are an essential part of our lifestyle and its worth every penny to be spent on it. Undoubtedly, many countries economy is boosted by the tourist who visit the country to admire the historical arts, which can be of any form, to name some, the museums, the exhibitions and so on. Because travellers are keen to explore the countries which are rich in arts, government should make sure they regularly maintain these places. Paris, for instance, has abundant tourist visiting every year, one of the main reasons includes the Mona Lisa painting. If the government fails to maintain these historical monuments, then the country's economy gained from tourist will plummet. Promoting their culture and history can be done by the government as part of their budgeting, which in turn is profitable for the country's economy. Even though arts can be profitable, few people consider it to be a luxury and the same can be spent elsewhere. Not everyone needs entertainment, there are few people who are putting their hardship to get food on the table and the roof over the head, in such situations instead of spending on these entertainments they think government can help them by, for instance, by providing free health checkups and basic groceries. Government should take care of such conditions as well as countries economy by equally distributing the budget. To conclude, few people consider government wastes money by spending it on arts and can be used the same for some better chores. In my opinion, arts is boosting the country's economy and every penny spent is worth despite the fact to be used elsewhere
Entertainment is
considerably
vital part of our life. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
deliberately
wastes money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, is what asserted by few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
elsewhere. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are an essential part of our lifestyle and its worth every penny to
be spent
on it.

Undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
is boosted
by the tourist who visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to admire the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, which can be of any form, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, the museums, the exhibitions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
are keen to explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are rich in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they
regularly
maintain these places. Paris,
for instance
, has abundant tourist visiting every year, one of the main reasons includes the Mona Lisa painting. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fails to maintain these historical monuments, then the country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
gained from tourist will plummet. Promoting their culture and history can
be done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as part of their budgeting, which in turn is profitable for the country's economy.

Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can be profitable, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it to be a luxury and the same can
be spent
elsewhere. Not everyone needs entertainment, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are putting their hardship to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food on the table and the roof over the head, in such situations
instead
of spending on these entertainments they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by,
for instance
, by providing free health checkups and basic groceries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should take care of such conditions
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
by
equally
distributing the budget.

To conclude
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
wastes money by spending it on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the same for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
better chores. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is boosting the country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and every penny spent is worth despite the fact to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
elsewhere
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Q3 TPO24The woman expresses her opinion about the student's proposal. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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