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q3 The students discuss a note posted on the professor's class door. What is the women's opinion about the note. v.1

q3 The students discuss a note posted on the professor's class door. What is the women's opinion about the note. v. 1
Dietary sanitation and good health are amongst the major issues of the modern era. Some people think that, as an individual it is we ought most responsibility to improve our dietary conditions and well-being. However, some consider it the government's job to provide quality food for its people. I believe, the role of power and awareness on population, both is pivotal in this situation. To begin with, health issues related to food and the means of tackling them is an important part of the government's job. Firstly, food inspection authorities should be established in every city, with complete authority to investigate any food chain or mart. Such steps would upgrade meal quality served at local hotels. Secondly, fast food chains are spreading at an alarming rate both internationally and on local ground. Imposing high taxation on these brands would lower down their progression. Eventually, with limited options of fast snack in town, its consumption will decrease. Subsequently, reducing progression of obesity. In addition to that, developing awareness in the general population through media could be one of the most fruitful step. For instance, pork is highly consumed in the west. Thereby, informing the general population regarding the gastrointestinal conditions triggered by eating pork could incline people towards less harmful food, for example, chicken or fish. On the other hand, personal efforts are also fundamental in improving health. While, dinning out, one should visit locations authorized and clarified by government to reduce to chances food poisoning. Furthermore, People should do regular exercise to ensure positive health changes. Work-up would emulsify fat, improve physical fitness. Subsequently eliminating health factors related to obesity. Moreover, the most important factor is consumption of a balanced diet. To make sure every component of food is included in dietary routine. To conclude, graph of food hygiene and physical health is low in most part of the world. I believe, this situation could improve provided governments reconsider their schemes to approach it. And individuals perform their duties to eliminate the causative factors. As both have an equal part to play in this issue.
Dietary sanitation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are amongst the major issues of the modern era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, as an individual it is we ought most responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our dietary conditions and well-being.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider it the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's job to provide quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I believe, the role of power and awareness on population, both is pivotal in this situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and the means of tackling them is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's job.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
inspection authorities should
be established
in every city, with complete authority to investigate any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain or mart. Such steps would upgrade meal quality served at local hotels.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains are spreading at an alarming rate both
internationally
and on local ground. Imposing high taxation on these brands would lower down their progression.
Eventually
, with limited options of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
snack in town, its consumption will decrease.
Subsequently
, reducing progression of obesity.
In addition
to that, developing awareness in the general population through media could be one of the most fruitful step.
For instance
, pork is
highly
consumed in the west. Thereby, informing the general population regarding the gastrointestinal conditions triggered by eating pork could incline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards less harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
for example
, chicken or fish.

On the other hand
, personal efforts are
also
fundamental in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. While, dinning out, one should visit locations authorized and clarified by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "chance".
chances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
poisoning.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should do regular exercise to ensure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. Work-up would emulsify
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
physical fitness.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Subsequently
eliminating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
factors related to obesity.
Moreover
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is consumption of a balanced diet. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure every component of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is included
in dietary routine.

To conclude
, graph of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
hygiene and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is low in most part of the world. I believe, this situation could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
provided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
reconsider their schemes to approach it. And individuals perform their duties to eliminate the causative factors.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
both have an equal part to play in this issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay q3 The students discuss a note posted on the professor's class door. What is the women's opinion about the note. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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