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The students discuss different method for preparing for exams. Discuss the methods and then state which method do you prefer and why? v.1

The students discuss different method for preparing for exams. Discuss the methods and then state which method do you prefer and why? v. 1
It has become a norm that a great number of athletes have partaken various product promotion campaigns of sports companies. I personally think the advantages of this trend outnumber its disadvantages, which will be discussed in the following essay. To begin with, there are several advantages of inviting well-known sports people to become ambassadors for sports products. Firstly, the appearance of those athletes can help guarantee the quality of the products, thanks to their profession’s achievements and public influence. Before advertising any footwears or clothes, sports players are sponsored the items to test if the products are good. If they say something exaggerate or sugarcoat the items. It would harm the prestige of both players and companies. Secondly, beyond the commercial purpose, renown athletes promoting sports items would encourage people to do more sports and become healthier. People would feel more motivated whey they see their favourite footballer like David Beckham on TV talking about his preference of footwear for playing football. Additionally, each sports enterprise has its own sport-related mottos that they want to deliver to the public, such as “Just do it” by Nike. It would be more meaningful and powerful if they collaborate with like-minded people in the field, mostly sports players, to send the messages to the public. This is not to say that there are no drawbacks of this approach. Some companies invite athletes to advertise their products for the mere profit purpose, while some sportsmen partake promotion events to benefit their fame only. This is a very fine line between profit, fame and moral compass as well as responsibility. As a result, both players and companies should be aware of their responsibilities which drive them to do the right things for their careers and society. In general, I believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages when athletes advertise sports products. Not only has this trend benefitted the enterprises and the players in terms of popularity and sale, it has also boosted the well-being of the public by delivering positive messages about sports and healthy lifestyle.
It has become a norm that a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have partaken various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
promotion campaigns of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages of this trend outnumber its disadvantages, which will
be discussed
in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several advantages of inviting well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become ambassadors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Firstly
, the appearance of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
guarantee the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, thanks to their profession’s achievements and public influence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
advertising any
Possible spelling mistake found.
footwears
or clothes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are sponsored
the items to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. If they say something exaggerate or sugarcoat the items. It would harm the prestige of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

Secondly
, beyond the commercial purpose, renown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
items would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and become healthier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would feel more motivated whey they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
footballer like David Beckham on TV talking about his preference of footwear for playing football.
Additionally
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
enterprise has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sport-related mottos that they want to deliver to the public, such as “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
do it” by Nike. It would be more meaningful and powerful if they collaborate with like-minded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the field,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the messages to the public.

This is not to say that there are no drawbacks of this approach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
to advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for the mere profit purpose, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sportsmen partake promotion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to benefit their fame
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fine line between profit, fame and moral compass
as well
as responsibility.
As a result
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should be aware of their responsibilities which drive them to do the right things for their careers and society.

In general
, I believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
advertise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has this trend
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
the enterprises and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in terms of popularity and sale, it has
also
boosted the well-being of the public by delivering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
messages about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and healthy lifestyle.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The students discuss different method for preparing for exams. Discuss the methods and then state which method do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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