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Some students prefer to review their course note regularly; while others prefer to review their note just before exams. Which do you prefer and why? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

Some students prefer to review their course note regularly; while others prefer to review their note just before exams. Which do you prefer and why? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
With the advent of modernization, a growing number of people choose to move to urban areas from the countryside. There is always a debate that whether to invest in fitness or social features, while building a local community for the increasing dwellers. In my point of view, it is beneficial for the business to add these features. Undoubtedly that sports and social community features in a housing estate cost money and effort. First of all, stakeholders have to spare a portion of the area, which could have been constructed to be a storied house to get profit, for social and sports facilities. Secondly, maintaining these facilities can be expensive and has to be done regularly to prevent user injury. The maintenance must be professional enough to find out all the potential risks such as sharp edge exposures and rusted surfaces. Although the investment on fitness and social facilities seems to be risky, the return will be promising. To begin with, these community features can increase residents’ sense of satisfaction. Those who feel lonely can hang out with someone in the meadow. Those who find boring at home can workout in the fitness centre. Those who walk a dog can make friends with each other when they meet. In that, the residents will not only tell their friends how GOOD this community is but also refer them to move in. More importantly, including sports and social facilities will make the community more competitive than others. In this informative world, a majority of people start to accept the theory that exercising can keep them healthy. Therefore, people tend to look for a community integrated with fitness centre. In conclusion, from sports and social facilities can raise residents’ satisfactory, which will eventually benefit the business, I believe the stakeholders ought to provide such features in their communities.
With the advent of modernization, a growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to urban areas from the countryside. There is always a debate that whether to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
features, while building a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
for the increasing dwellers. In my point of view, it is beneficial for the business to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
these features.

Undoubtedly
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
features in a housing estate cost money and effort.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, stakeholders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spare a portion of the area, which could have
been constructed
to be a storied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profit, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
Secondly
, maintaining these facilities can be expensive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be done
regularly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
user injury. The maintenance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be professional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to find out all the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
such as sharp edge exposures and rusted surfaces.

Although the investment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
facilities seems to be risky, the return will be promising. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
features can increase residents’ sense of satisfaction. Those who feel lonely can hang out with someone in the meadow. Those who find boring at home
Did you mean "can work out"?
can workout
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Those
who walk a dog can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with each other when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. In that, the residents will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their friends how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
refer them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in. More
importantly
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
facilities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
more competitive than others. In this informative world, a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to accept the theory that exercising can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to look for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
integrated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.

In conclusion
, from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
facilities can raise residents’ satisfactory, which will
eventually
benefit the business, I believe the stakeholders ought to provide such features in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to review their course note regularly; while others prefer to review their note just before exams. Which do you prefer and why? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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