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q3. Dormitory problems. The women expresses her opinion of the announcement. State the opinion and the reasons she gives for having that opinion. v.1

q3. Dormitory problems. The women expresses her opinion of the announcement. State the opinion and the reasons she gives for having that opinion. v. 1
Including art as an essential subject in the school curriculum is debatable. Some people claim it as a waste of time, while others feel it is required. This essay will discuss both the arguments and explain why it is superior to include this subject in the school syllabus. On one side, learning art at school will help children appreciate the cultural heritage of a country. For instance, I went on a school trip to Agra and realised that drawing and painting was an awfully interesting activity. Many students who fail to understand the different forms of art, will be scared to give public speeches in their later life. In reality, children are curious to explore the craft, drawing, painting, sculpturing and so on hence, learning multiple forms of art will definitely boost their confidence. Overall, art must be included in the school syllabus, in order to make them understand the culture and also to build their confidence level. On the other side, people feel children are already burdened with important subjects like mathematics and science, so including art will be extra burden. Moreover, not all children are good at drawing or painting. In addition, they need subjects like mathematics and science to progress to the next level in education. Therefore, some feel it is a waste of time for children to focus on art in school. In conclusion, despite the fact that not all children are interested in art still including this at school will benefit every child in their future life. Finally, learning art at school is an essential part of overall development of a child.
Including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim it as a waste of time, while others feel it
is required
. This essay will discuss both the arguments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why it is superior to include this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus.

On one side, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
appreciate the cultural heritage of a country.
For instance
, I went on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
trip to Agra and
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that drawing and painting was an awfully interesting activity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students who fail to understand the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, will
be scared
to give public speeches in their later life. In reality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are curious to explore the craft, drawing, painting, sculpturing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
hence
, learning multiple forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
will definitely boost their confidence.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be included
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the culture and
also
to build their confidence level.

On the other side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are already burdened with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like mathematics and science,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
will be extra burden.
Moreover
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at drawing or painting.
In addition
, they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like mathematics and science to progress to the
next
level in education.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel it is a waste of time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in school.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
still
including this at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will benefit every child in their future life.
Finally
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is an essential part of
overall
development of a child.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay q3. Dormitory problems. The women expresses her opinion of the announcement. State the opinion and the reasons she gives for having that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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