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talk about the time you accomplished some thing that you think you can not do. what did you accomplish? and why think u cant? v.1

talk about the time you accomplished some thing that you think you can not do. what did you accomplish? and why think u cant? v. 1
Over the last few years, it has been observed that a section of people is getting quite anxious to study about the past events of their families. Whereas, another mass considers it as futile and rather suggest to concentrate more on the prevailing and the upcoming generations. Although, both the phenomena are true in their own respect, however, I believe that paying attention to the current as well as the forthcoming generations will benefit us in the long run. Hence, in this essay, I will discuss both the sides of the argument and explain my support in favour of the latter view. To begin with, extensive study about the past events of a family might help to overcome many unforeseen challenges that might tend to show up in the future. For instance, a research scientist from the University of California recently invented the cure of a specific inherited mental disorder named "Huntington Disease" by studying and getting deep into the past family records of the patient. Moreover, getting into the earlier events of the family might also help to predict the success rates of a problem that could arise in the future. Therefore, it is quite evident why a particular section of people is interested to study deeply about the past records of their family. On the contrary, just like another mass believes studying family history as a useless phenomenon, I too agree with the point that people should leave their past behind and concentrate much on the current as well as their upcoming events because that will not only keep the future secured, but will also make the present bright and livable. For example, currently, there is a tremendous rise in the immigration of people from poor countries to the developed countries like USA and Canada. This is happening because people prefer to live a better life and also to provide a better future to their next generations. Additionally, people are becoming more conscious and goal oriented to guide their future generations in all the best ways possible. Thus, we have a clear view about why we should aim on working on our present and forthcoming generations. Therefore, to put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, although family history plays a vital role in understanding the past events of a family in a better way, however, working on the current as well as the on our future prospects can ultimately be more fruitful for our forthcoming generations.
Over the last few years, it has
been observed
that a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is getting quite anxious to study about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Whereas, another mass considers it as futile and
rather
suggest to concentrate more on the prevailing and the upcoming generations. Although, both the phenomena are true in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
respect,
however
, I believe that paying attention to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the forthcoming generations will benefit us in the long run.
Hence
, in this essay, I will discuss both the sides of the argument and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my support in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the latter view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, extensive study about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unforeseen challenges that might tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For instance
, a research scientist from the University of California recently invented the cure of a specific inherited mental disorder named
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Huntington Disease
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
by studying and getting deep into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
records of the patient.
Moreover
, getting into the earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
might
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to predict the success rates of a problem that could arise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Therefore
, it is quite evident why a particular section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is interested
to study
deeply
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
records of their family.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like another mass believes studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history as a useless phenomenon, I too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
behind and concentrate much on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
as well
as their upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
secured,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the present bright and livable.
For example
,
currently
, there is a tremendous rise in the immigration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from poor countries to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
and Canada. This is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life and
also
to provide a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
to their
next
generations.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more conscious and goal oriented to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generations in all the best ways possible.
Thus
, we have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
view about why we should
The usual collocation for "aim" is "at" not "on". Did you mean "aim at"?
aim on
working on our present and forthcoming generations.

Therefore
, to put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history plays a vital role in understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in a better way,
however
, working on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
as well
as the on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
prospects can
ultimately
be more fruitful for our forthcoming generations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay talk about the time you accomplished some thing that you think you can not do. what did you accomplish? and why think u cant? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
411 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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