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Full time university student spend most of their time in academic subjects. Some people say that they should engage in other activities also. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Full time university student spend most of their time in academic subjects. Some people say that they should engage in other activities also. v. 2
Graduate and post-graduate students dedicate a major portion of their everyday life in education though extra curricullar activities are similary important for one' s own growth. In this essay I will focus on the significance of involvement with other activities during student life. University is not only a place for gaining knowledge from book and classroom lectures, but also a source to enhance intelligence and practice skills from other hobbies like sports, debating, theatre-media club etc. If students pass most of their time to get a good mark, then they will rarely have time to get involve in in outdoor activities. But this kind of activity helps the person to make their body fit and healthy, as well as to built soft skills like communication, leadership etc. Moreover, research has shown that students who are directly attached with different clubs and social communities tend to be less depressed and positive towards real life challenges. For example, my young brother Peter was going through hard time in personal life from the beginning of his shophomore year. He was not coping up well with the heart break what caused him receiving poor marks on the exam. But since he joined university handball team, he started handling his emotions better than before. No doubt that extra curricullar activities act like a refreshing experience and work as mental support system in between academic pressure. In addition to that, other activities are essential to get prepared for early career. If you do not have other experiences, then you will not have much to write in your resume other that your university result. To secure a good job right after your graduation, it is very important that you stand out from thousands of recent graduates. To conclude, nothing works better than having a balanced academic life where the student practice theoratical knowledge as well as soft skills through extracurricullar activities.
Graduate and post-graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
dedicate a major portion of their everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in education though extra
Possible spelling mistake found.
curricullar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
similary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
growth. In this essay I will focus on the significance of involvement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life.

University is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a place for gaining knowledge from book and classroom lectures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a source to enhance intelligence and practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hobbies like sports, debating,
Possible spelling mistake found.
theatre-media
club etc. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
pass most of their time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mark, then they will rarely have time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their body fit and healthy,
as well
as to built soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like communication, leadership etc.
Moreover
, research has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are
directly
attached with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
clubs and social communities tend to be less depressed and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
towards real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
challenges.
For example
, my young brother Peter was going through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time in personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from the beginning of his
Possible spelling mistake found.
shophomore
year. He was not coping up well with the heart break what caused him receiving poor marks on the exam.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
since he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
university handball team, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
handling his emotions better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. No doubt that extra
Possible spelling mistake found.
curricullar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
act like a refreshing experience and work as mental support system in between academic pressure.

In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prepared for early career. If you do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
experiences, then you will not have much to write in your resume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
that your university result. To secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job right after your graduation, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that you stand out from thousands of recent graduates.

To conclude
, nothing works better than having a balanced academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
practice
Possible spelling mistake found.
theoratical
knowledge
as well
as soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through
Possible spelling mistake found.
extracurricullar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Full time university student spend most of their time in academic subjects. Some people say that they should engage in other activities also. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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