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Q: In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v.1

Q: In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v. 1
There is an alarming increase in the number of vehicles owned by each individual, not only in Britain, but in all parts of the world. Thus, as a solution, international policies and other forms of transportation should be implemented. With this statement, I strongly agree. Ownership of a vehicle is a responsibility. One of these is to have a garage with enough space to house the number of private transport a person owns. With the amount of cars available in the market and with how easy it is to get one, it is only a matter of time that even wide highways and main roads become public parking areas. At present, having a car is more of a necessity than a luxury because of problems in public transportations here and there. Also, it is sometimes a requirement to have a car in other companies and industries. With the problems arising from the number of vehicles that people own, it is important to have a better form of public transportation. There should be the improvement of subways and train stations which should be more resilient to damage and more comfortable for the commuters. At the same time, for big companies, it is better for them to offer a bus specifically for their employees to avoid unnecessary buying of private vehicles. International policies regarding car ownership are a must. A state could implement about having an own garage or parking lot before being able to buy a private transport. This is very helpful in managing traffic because illegal parking is prevented. In addition, the state or country should integrate a stricter process in owning a driver's license. For example, an older age bracket is necessary for one person to acquire a professional driver's license. Violators should also be dealt with accordingly for them to learn the importance of ownership rules. In conclusion, owning a vehicle is a responsibility of the state and the individual. I do agree that with proper rules that exist and with discipline among drivers, there will be less, if not none, problems to face in the future.
There is an alarming increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by each individual, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Britain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in all parts of the world.
Thus
, as a solution, international policies and other forms of transportation should
be implemented
. With this statement, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

Ownership of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
is a responsibility. One of these is to have a garage with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
the number of private transport a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
. With the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
available in the market and with how easy it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
one, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a matter of time that even wide highways and main roads become public parking areas. At present, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is more of a necessity than a luxury
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of problems in public transportations here and there.
Also
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a requirement to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
in other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and industries.

With the problems arising from the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have a better form of public transportation. There should be the improvement of subways and train stations which should be more resilient to damage and more comfortable for the commuters. At the same time, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, it is better for them to offer a bus
specifically
for their employees to avoid unnecessary buying of private vehicles.

International policies regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
ownership are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
. A state could implement about having an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
garage or parking lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "private transport".
a private transport
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful in managing traffic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
illegal parking is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.
In addition
, the state or country should integrate a stricter process in owning a driver's license.
For example
, an older age bracket is necessary for one person to acquire a professional driver's license. Violators should
also
be dealt
with
accordingly
for them to learn the importance of ownership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

In conclusion
, owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
is a responsibility of the state and the individual. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that with proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that exist and with discipline among drivers, there will be less, if not none, problems to face in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Q: In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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