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Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share theirrooms with their roommates. Which way of living do you think is better forstudents and why? v.1

Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share theirrooms with their roommates. Which way of living do you think is better forstudents and why? v. 1
Foods purchased in markets and supermarkets contain preservatives and this has been a major source of concern to humans because of its danger. In my opinion, the drawback such as its detrimental effect on human health supersede any benefits it poses. Admittedly, the basic benefit of using chemicals in food is that it helps to improve the shelf life of the product. To put in another way, additives will reduce the rate of spoilage of food materials, hence, preventing the rapid degradation of the food product. For example, after the UK government banned the use of the chemical in 2016 there was a rapid degradation of food materials in the stores, and the manufacturers attributed this occurrence to the ban of the chemicals essential for preserving the raw materials. This would have been prevented if the food was properly preserved. Nonetheless, despite this benefit, the demerit related to the use of preservatives by food firms can be disastrous. Mainly, the use of chemicals affects the healthy state of man. This is because these preservatives often contain compounds which affects the metabolic pathway of the human system. As a result, it allows the development of chronic ailments such as cancer and kidney disease. For instance, In Northern Nigeria, there have been an increase in the number of people with a Chronic Kidney Diseases, this is because they consume a high percentage of Beans, a food which is usually preserved by a substance called "Sniper" that affects the kidneys. In conclusion, despite the benefit of prolonged shelf life using chemicals confer, it's reported disadvantage voids any advantage. It is highly recommended that the government increases the availability of organic products in order to improve the quality of the lives of the populace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Foods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
in markets and supermarkets contain preservatives and this has been a major source of concern to humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. In my opinion, the drawback such as its detrimental effect on human health supersede any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
it poses.

Admittedly
, the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the shelf life of the product. To put in another way, additives will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of spoilage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
materials,
hence
, preventing the rapid degradation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
product.
For example
, after the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
banned the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
in 2016 there was a rapid degradation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
materials in the stores, and the manufacturers attributed this occurrence to the ban of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
essential for preserving the raw materials. This would have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
was
properly
preserved.

Nonetheless, despite this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
, the demerit related to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of preservatives by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
firms can be disastrous.
Mainly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
affects the healthy state of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these preservatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
contain compounds which affects the metabolic pathway of the human system.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the development of chronic ailments such as cancer and kidney disease.
For instance
, In Northern Nigeria, there have been an increase in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a Chronic Kidney Diseases, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consume a high percentage of Beans, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is
usually
preserved by a substance called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Sniper
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
that affects the kidneys.

In conclusion
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of prolonged shelf life using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
confer, it's reported disadvantage voids any advantage. It is
highly
recommended that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
increases the availability of organic products in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the populace.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students tend to live alone, while others may want to share theirrooms with their roommates. Which way of living do you think is better forstudents and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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