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In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v.6

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v. 6
It is true that since last two, three century the growing advancement in the medical world affected the entire world. However, it had created one threatening problem that many nations having the growing number of older people in the nation. The essay will discuss the impact of this practice which would be beneficial and gloomy sides with the arguments in the further paragraph. To begin with, there are manifold number merits having risen pensioner in the nation. The foremost merit is that this oldster having lifelong experience and skill. In addition to, this the younger one can take help from them and get the expertise in a particular work. For example, if in any organization having a balance of young and elder than it will achieve success easily having expertise, skilled elder one and having younger one who has a dynamic nature. Moreover, many families the grandchild will be grown in the shelter of the grandparents which inculcate some of the culture and beliefs which helps in the nurture of the child. As a result, having the presence of the elder ones helps the younger one in the organization development and to handle their children cultivation. On the other hand, compared to positive there are few detrimental effects are there. The first demerit point is that having lesser number of employment opportunities as most of these are occupied by the elders. So, when the blooming has completed their graduation at that time no more vacancies are there as elder one having already occupied that place. For instance, having academic graduation and abilities if someone not able to acquire to get the expected position will be result into to start a delinquency activity. Furthermore, the youth must spend their earning more on the health of their parents, which gets more attention of the youthful. Thus, the budding must suffer from stress and finical issues. To conclude, there are more positive points compare to negative one as younger one gets more support and guidance from the elder with the help from their experience. This thing depends on the individual how they think.
It is true that since last two, three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'century' seems to be countable, so consider using: "centuries".
century
the growing advancement in the medical world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the entire world.
However
, it had created one threatening problem that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the growing number of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the nation. The essay will discuss the impact of this practice which would be beneficial and gloomy sides with the arguments in the
further
paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are manifold number merits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
risen pensioner in the nation. The foremost merit is that this oldster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
lifelong experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
In addition
to, this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
one can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
the expertise in a particular work.
For example
, if in any organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a balance of young and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
than it will achieve success
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
expertise, skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
one and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
one who has a dynamic nature.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families the grandchild will
be grown
in the shelter of the grandparents which inculcate
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
culture and beliefs which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in the nurture of the child.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the presence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
one in the organization development and to handle their children cultivation.

On the other hand
, compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
there are few detrimental effects are there. The
first
demerit point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
lesser number of employment opportunities as most of these
are occupied
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when the blooming has completed their graduation at that time no more vacancies are there as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
already occupied that place.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
academic graduation and abilities if someone not able to acquire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
position will be result into to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a delinquency activity.
Furthermore
, the youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend their earning more on the health of their parents, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
more attention of the youthful.
Thus
, the budding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and finical issues.

To conclude
, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points compare to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
more support and guidance from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from their experience. This thing depends on the individual how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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