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The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for twocompanies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows theprojected market share of the two companies in jeans at the endof next year. v.1

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for twocompanies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows theprojected market share of the two companies in jeans at the endof next year. v. 1
Many people believe that spending most of the time on computers prepare children for future jobs and research works, while others argue it to have the negative impact on them. In my opinion, there should be a limit to its usage as excess of everything is bad. Using computers for most of the tasks, teenagers get prepared to work for long hours on it, which help them to get ready for their studies and work life, later on. Moreover, they get knowledge by browsing various educational contents available on various sources on computers, which definitely help them in their studies and there are various applications available which encourage them towards exploring and learning. Although, using computers have many benefits as discussed above, It can do more harms if over used. Firstly, there are various side effects on the health of children who used it for long hours as it can trigger various problems related to eyesight and posture. Additionally, they are left with no time for physical activities due to over indulgence in online tasks which can make them obese and can cause various other diseases. Secondly, due to the presence of various interesting contents present on computers, students can neglect their studies. Lastly, there are various frauds contents present on it which might prove harmful and can impact kids mentally, for instance, various banned applications like Blue whale has proved to be responsible for leading children to suicide. In conclusion, computer usage for children can prove to be mostly positive if it is supervised properly and done in limit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that spending most of the time on computers prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for future jobs and research works, while others argue it to have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them. In my opinion, there should be a limit to its usage as excess of everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

Using computers for most of the tasks,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prepared to work for long hours on it, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for their studies and work life, later on.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge by browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
educational contents available on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
sources on computers, which definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their studies and there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
applications available which encourage them towards exploring and learning.

Although, using computers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits as discussed above, It can do more harms if over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Firstly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
side effects on the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it for long hours as it can trigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
problems related to eyesight and posture.
Additionally
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no time for physical activities due to over indulgence in online tasks which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them obese and can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
other diseases.
Secondly
, due to the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
interesting contents present on computers, students can neglect their studies.
Lastly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
frauds contents present on it which might prove harmful and can impact kids mentally,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
banned applications like Blue whale has proved to be responsible for leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to suicide.

In conclusion
, computer usage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can prove to be
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
if it
is supervised
properly
and done in limit.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for twocompanies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows theprojected market share of the two companies in jeans at the endof next year. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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