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Punishment is a good way to address the behavioural problem in children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Punishment is a good way to address the behavioural problem in children. v. 1
Punishment is a good way to address the behavioural problem in children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Some people believe that to tackle the children's behavioural issues, corporal punishment is an effective measure. However, I disagree with this idea because of its various negative consequences. One main reason to avoid punishment to the children in various body and mind problems. Firstly, as some parents and teachers use whips and sticks to leash the adolescents, various physical problems such as bruises, scratches and even fractures can happen. For instance, the death of 16 children in the last fiscal year is an example of such events, in which they were beaten by their teachers to death. Secondly, punishing a child can result in numerous psychological problems. The confidence of children can lose having born frequent punishments. It is because of the fear punishment that they might not be bold enough to take steps to tackle the day-to-day activities. So, punishing the child can lead to an ill generation. Moreover, giving punishment to control the behaviour of offsprings may not be good for society. Owning to the monkey see, monkey do mentality, they learn the things from the owner observation. In other words, after getting punishments often, the might think that it is the only way to carry out the things. In short, aggressiveness becomes their second nature and the like to treat aggressively to every member of society. Furthermore, children can forget how to respect educators and parents after being punished by them. Obviously, a negative image of elders is generated into their minds after getting bad treatment even after minor mistakes. Therefore, they lose the virtues of respect and love that is must for a healthy society. In conclusion, although it is believed that children's bad behaviour can be better handled with the corporal punishments. I assert that it should be avoided because of its demerits like less sociable generation, physical and mental ailments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to address the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To what extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree?

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that to tackle the children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
issues, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is an effective measure.
However
, I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.

One main reason to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in various body and mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
whips and sticks to leash the adolescents, various physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as bruises, scratches and even fractures can happen.
For instance
, the death of 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the last fiscal year is an example of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, in which they
were beaten
by their teachers to death.
Secondly
, punishing a child can result in numerous psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The confidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can lose having born frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
that they might not be bold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take steps to tackle the day-to-day activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, punishing the child can lead to an ill generation.

Moreover
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to control the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
may not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for society. Owning to the monkey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, monkey do mentality, they learn the things from the owner observation.
In other words
, after getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, the might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to carry out the things. In short, aggressiveness becomes their second nature and the like to treat
aggressively
to every member of society.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can forget how to respect educators and parents after
being punished
by them.
Obviously
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
image of elders
is generated
into their minds after getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
treatment even after minor mistakes.
Therefore
, they lose the virtues of respect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for a healthy society.

In conclusion
, although it
is believed
that children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can be better handled with the corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
. I assert that it should
be avoided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its demerits like less sociable generation, physical and mental ailments.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Punishment is a good way to address the behavioural problem in children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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