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Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world report that students tend to have behavioural problems. Unfortunately, this will make it harder for schools to educate students as problematic behaviours are likely to interfere with the education process. v.1

Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world report that students tend to have behavioural problems. Unfortunately, this will make it harder for schools to educate students as problematic behaviours are likely to interfere with the education process. v. 1
Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world are facing problems with student’s behavior. There are several causes of this concerning trend, but measures could certainly be taken to tackle the problem. There are some reasons why students behave inappropriately. Firstly, changing living styles and further economic pressures affect student’s behavioral pattern. For example parents might spend more time at work than at home and as a result they don’t have enough time to pay attention to their children and consequently lack of parental guidance and monitoring led to behavioral problems. Secondly such behaviors might be caused by external influences, like social medias and television. For instance students might be impressed violence that spread through these medias. Therefore they would show more aggressive behavior in educational institutions. In order to counter such problems, parents and teachers must devote enough time to the student and understand their strength and weakness. Teachers should be friendly with student while still maintain their primary role as a trainer. By this way they might be able to understand student’s point of views and as a result make better decisions through their education. Furthermore it is also important to emphasized on physical activities like swimming, running and other sport, because help to channelize the energy of the students in a good manner. In conclusion, behavior problems result from the way society works like changing living styles and external influence such as some TV programs. Nevertheless by understanding the student’s views and guide their great energy to healthy exercises, students can gradually change and behave more appropriately.
Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. There are several causes of this concerning trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
measures could
certainly
be taken
to tackle the problem.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
behave
inappropriately
.
Firstly
, changing living styles and
further
economic pressures affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
behavioral pattern.
For example
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
spend more time at work than at home and
as a result
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to pay attention to their children and
consequently
lack of parental guidance and monitoring led to behavioral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Secondly
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be caused
by external influences, like social medias and television.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be impressed
violence that spread through these medias.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
in educational institutions.

In order to counter such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, parents and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and understand their strength and weakness. Teachers should be friendly with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
while
still
maintain their primary role as a trainer. By this way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be able to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
point of views and
as a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions through their education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to emphasized on physical activities like swimming, running and other sport,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to channelize the energy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
result from the way society works like changing living styles and external influence such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV programs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
by understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
views and guide their great energy to healthy exercises,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and behave more
appropriately
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world report that students tend to have behavioural problems. Unfortunately, this will make it harder for schools to educate students as problematic behaviours are likely to interfere with the education process. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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