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Psychological illness may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses Nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way Society however is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities the latter bei v.2

Psychological illness may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses Nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way Society however is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities the latter bei v. 2
Most of the times, Physical illnesses are prominently visible to everyone than psychological illnesses. Although both are as equal as disability in its own ways, however, people with psychological illness are prohibited by same society which easily accepts physical illnesses. In my opinion, I believe that disabilities physical in nature are accepted more easily as compared to psychological one, however, modern society has started to accept such disabilities. Society can easily see the sufferings and situation of physical ill persons. However, no one can judge someone sitting next is suffering from serious mental illness. Equality is preamble of a developed society, however, after knowing that person is psychological ill, our society starts discriminating these people. It considered that such persons can harm anyone because no one can know what is going on in their mind. Most of employers discourage such people on their job which leads to job insecurity also. Due to discrimination being faced by people suffering from psychological illness, these people don’t discuss the issues being faced them. Such approach multiplies the problems as treatment of these problems can be found only after discussion. Finally, it has been accepted by the modern society that due to working conditions, a lot of people suffers mental pressure. Anyone can face such issues and special care and support is needed to deal with the issue. Because it affects people from all walks, people are becoming more tolerant and aware and future will bring helpful environment for such persons. In conclusion, I believe that at present, in most of societies, psychological ill persons are not accepted so easily than physical ill, however, we are progressing towards developed society which treats both people the same way.
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
Most of the times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
are
prominently
visible to everyone than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
. Although both are as equal as disability in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
are prohibited
by same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
accepts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
. In my opinion, I believe that disabilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
in nature are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
one,
however
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to accept such disabilities.

Society can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the sufferings and situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
However
, no one can judge someone
With the word 'someone' in a subjunctive clause, use the base form of a verb: "sit".
sitting
next
is suffering from serious mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
. Equality is preamble of a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
however
, after knowing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
discriminating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It considered that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
can harm anyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one can know what is going on in their mind.
After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ("Most of the employers") or simply say "Most employers".
Most of employers
discourage such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on their job which leads to job insecurity
also
.

Due to discrimination
being faced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t discuss the issues
being faced
them. Such approach multiplies the problems as treatment of these problems can
be found
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after discussion.

Finally
, it has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
that due to working conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffers mental pressure. Anyone can face such issues and special care and support
is needed
to deal with the issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all walks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more tolerant and aware and future will bring helpful environment for such persons.

In conclusion
, I believe that at present, in most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "(easily)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
easily
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
,
however
, we are progressing towards developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which treats both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the same way.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Psychological illness may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses Nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way Society however is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities the latter bei v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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