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Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities. v. 3
In the modern world, more than one-tenth of the global population suffers from some sort of psychological issues and yet mental illnesses gets far less priority that it actually deserves. Worse, minor psychological issues are mostly ignored by the society. There is no denying that this ignorance can lead to the negative outcomes in the future. To begin with, the number of general hospitals that treat patients with bodily diseases is increasing. This is the evidence of social ignorance of psychological illnesses. To illustrate, only a few numbers of public health care facilities are devoted to treating mental diseases. Furthermore, individuals are not willing to understand the situation of these people. That is to say, the members of societies are keen to ignore their problems. For example, they often prohibit their children to meet and to visit these people. On the other hand, it is true that international, governmental and private organizations have created some facilities for these people. In this regard, there is an opinion that the position can be improved in the near future. A good illustration of this is the WHO. This organization introduced a new methodology for psychological disabled individuals. Moreover, the mass media began to cover this issue. Consequently, they can explain the arduous situation of psychological disabled people. For instance, the marvel studio’s movie about Joker, who is mentally disabled person, gain a popularity among the youngsters. To conclude, although many people are concerned about the position of such kinds of people, the authorities and private organizations started to help them. In addition, mass media coverage can be beneficial for these people.
In the modern world, more than one-tenth of the global population suffers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
issues and
yet
mental illnesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
far less priority that it actually deserves. Worse, minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
issues are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by the society. There is no denying that this ignorance can lead to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes in the future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the number of general hospitals that treat patients with
bodily
diseases is increasing. This is the evidence of social ignorance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
illnesses. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few numbers of public health care facilities
are devoted
to treating mental diseases.
Furthermore
, individuals are not willing to understand the situation of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
That is
to say, the members of societies are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their problems.
For example
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prohibit their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and to visit these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, it is true that international, governmental and private organizations have created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this regard, there is an opinion that the position can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in the near future. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the WHO. This organization introduced a new methodology for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
disabled individuals.
Moreover
, the mass media began to cover this issue.
Consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the arduous situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the marvel studio’s movie about Joker, who is mentally disabled person, gain a popularity among the youngsters.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the position of such kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the authorities and private organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.
In addition
, mass media coverage can be beneficial for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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