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How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v.4

How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 4
In this era, television and movies have more influence in our society. Television is one of the important facilities in a house. Television can entertain people and provide time to spend with family. Sometimes, teenagers prefer to watch movies with their friends at theater due to limit of house’s area. How could television and movies have influence with people? Some people believe that movies and television have no effect to them, others say that these two medias cause some serious issues to people. In my perspective, I think that movies and television influence to behavior for many reasons. First and foremost, there are a lot of programs present about health care and skin care. Programs about health care including skin care advertisements present ways to take care of yourself from inside to outside. Nowadays, people care about important of health care, most people need to have a long life. Some people want to spend more time for themselves, but some just want to stay with their children as long as they can. So, people change their eating behavior, and exercising behavior. Some people used to eat only fast food without fruits and vegetables, some people say that they exercise enough, they breathe every day, but after watching television they have changed their eating and exercise behavior. Therefore, television’s programs and advertisements have influence to people eating and exercising behavior. Moreover, people can learn to analyze and organise situations from news. For example, there is news about a woman was killed because she used mobile phone while walking. At the same time, there was a robber pull mobile phone from woman hand, but she resisted and pulled her phone back. Robber became angry and killed woman by a knife and took a mobile phone. People who watch this news can analyze that they should not play phone while walking and should prepare some stuff that can protect them from danger and think critically; for instance, when this problem occurs, the best way to deal with this problem is that they should give robber a phone to save their life instead of fighting with them and tell police officers to catch a robber. Therefore, television influences to analyze and organise behaviors of people. Last but not least, can influence people to have more ambitious for instance biography documentary of the famous person. For example, Elon musk who is the founder of SpaceX, SolarCity, and Tesla Motors company. The documentary explains the challenges that Elon has to face with; for instance, he used to pay all money he has to invest SolarCity, SpaceX, and Tesla Motors. Although it is true that investment by using all yours money like Elon are risk, outcome are worthwhile. People try to change their the way of living to become successful like him. In addition, movies also help people who watch have more creativities and ambitious to make their own film. Therefore, television and movies influence people' s behavior of imitation and adaptation All in all, people are influenced to their eating & exercising behavior, analyzing & organising behavior, and imitating & adapting behavior by television and movies. Even though it is a fact that television and movies have advantages, it should be under parents control.
In this era,
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television
and
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movies
have more
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influence
in our society.
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Television
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
facilities in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
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Television
can entertain
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people
and provide time to spend with family.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
with their friends at theater due to limit of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
’s area. How could
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television
and
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movies
have
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influence
with
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people
?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
have no effect to them, others say that these two medias cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious issues to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
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influence
to
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behavior
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

First
and foremost, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
programs present about health
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care
and skin
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care
. Programs about health
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care
including skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
advertisements present ways to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of yourself from inside to outside. Nowadays,
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people
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care
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of health
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care
, most
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people
need to have a long life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
want to spend more time for themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to stay with their children as long as they can.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
, and exercising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food without fruits and vegetables,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that they exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, they breathe every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
and exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
Therefore
,
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television’s
programs and advertisements have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
and exercising behavior.

Moreover
,
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people
can learn to analyze and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
situations from news.
For example
, there is news about a woman
was killed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
while walking. At the same time, there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robber
pull mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
from woman hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she resisted and pulled her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
back.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Robber
became angry and killed woman by a knife and took a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
this news can analyze that they should not play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
while walking and should prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stuff that can protect them from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
critically
;
for instance
, when this problem occurs, the best way to deal with this problem is that they should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robber
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to save their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
instead
of fighting with them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
police officers to catch a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robber
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influences
to analyze and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more ambitious
for instance
biography documentary of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person.
For example
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Elon musk
who is the founder of SpaceX,
Possible spelling mistake found.
SolarCity
, and Tesla Motors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The documentary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the challenges that Elon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face with;
for instance
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay all money he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
invest
Possible spelling mistake found.
SolarCity
, SpaceX, and Tesla Motors. Although it is true that investment by using all yours money like Elon are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, outcome are worthwhile.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their the way of living to become successful like him.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
creativities
and ambitious to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
film.
Therefore
,
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television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
of imitation and adaptation

All in all,
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people
are influenced
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
; exercising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
, analyzing
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
;
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
, and imitating
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
; adapting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Even though
it is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
have advantages, it should be under parents control.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
76Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
538 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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