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Psychological illness may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illness, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illness or disabilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Psychological illness may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illness, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illness or disabilities. v. 1
Psychological illness is a big problem in some societies. Some people believe that psychological syndrome may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or sickness while others state that it is more accepting of those with more physical than psychology disorder or disabilities. I will explain my both the views in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, there are many reasons of psychological illness may not be as physical disabilities or illnesses. The first and the foremost is psychological illnesses occur from stress. Nowadays, most people take stress due to their job task, financial problems and many more. So, people suffer from psychological illness and this disability suffers from their own way. For example: people take stress due to their financial problem in their own way and suffer from psychological problems. On the other hand, in society, most people are more accepting of those with physical because some people believe that physical fitness people is able to do any type of work and it easily concentrate on their work than those people who suffer from psychological illness or disabilities. In addition to this, physical fit peoples handle the problem in right way because they do not think negative thoughts in their mind a easily take right decision regarding to their work and also take right decisions regarding to their society and also give help to develop their nation. For example, healthy fitness person is taking right dicision in any type of work and in a positive way. To conclude, psychological illness increase day by day because a number of people take stress. So, government should take decision regarding this problem and also give benefits to those people who suffer from psychological illness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Psychological
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illness
is a
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big
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problem
in
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some
societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
syndrome may not be as obvious as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disabilities
or sickness while others state that it is more accepting of those with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
than psychology disorder or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disabilities
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my both the views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
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many
reasons of
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psychological
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illness
may not be as
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physical
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disabilities
or
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illnesses
. The
first
and the foremost
You should probably use "am", "are", "aren".
is
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psychological
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illnesses
occur from
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stress
. Nowadays, most
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people
take
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stress
due to their job task, financial
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problems
and
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many
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
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people
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suffer
from
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psychological
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illness
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disability
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suffers
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
For example
:
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people
take
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stress
due to their financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffer
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
problems.

On the other hand
, in society, most
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people
are more accepting of those with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
believe that
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physical
fitness
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
able to do any type of
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work
and it
easily
Did you mean "concentrates"?
concentrate
on their
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work
than those
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people
who
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suffer
from
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psychological
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illness
or
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disabilities
.
In addition
to this,
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physical
fit
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peoples
handle the
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problem
in
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right
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts in their mind
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You used an adverb ('easily') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('take') instead of another adjective.
easily take
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right
decision
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
their
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work
and
also
take
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right
decisions
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
their society and
also
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop their nation.
For example
, healthy fitness person is taking
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right
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dicision
in any type of
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work
and in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.

To conclude
,
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psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
increase day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take decision regarding this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
also
give benefits to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffer
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Psychological illness may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illness, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illness or disabilities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Psychological illness may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illness, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illness or disabilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1