Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Program to Provide Free TutoringThe university has announced that starting with the fall semester, free tutoring will be available to all new students for their entire first year. The academic dean. James Maxwell, commented. "The university is aware v.1

Program to Provide Free TutoringThe university has announced that starting with the fall semester, free tutoring will be available to all new students for their entire first year. The academic dean. James Maxwell, commented. "The university is aware v. 1
In the contemporary era, sports competitions have become so popular worldwide for entertaining audiences.  Meanwhile, large companies spend a huge amount of salary to invite sports celebrities to promote their products. Some people believe that this will benefit communities and their fans. However, I personally disagree with this view and the essay will discuss about my opinion. To begin with,  inviting sport celebrities to play in commercial product advertisements may convey incorrect information to their fans and lead to some negative impacts as well. In order to show loyalty to sport celebrities under peer pressure, teenagers may force their parents to buy gadget, clothes and even food which are advertised by their favourite sports players. Sometimes, teenagers might be under criminal charges of stealing if they did not have enough money. Many Chinese teenagers suffer from obesity and even diabetic mellitus because they are attracted to consume excessive soft drinks which are advertised by sport celebrities. Without the advertises, they might not be fond of soft drinks. In addition, the fee to invite sports celebrities for participating in advertises are extremely huge. In order to make the same amount of profits, retail prices of products will increase. Therefore, it will add more financial burden to the customers as well. For example, the prices for some popular brands of detergents are higher than that of an ordinary brand because the former one spent much money on their advertisements. Therefore, inviting sports celebrities to promote products will add burdens to consumers. In summary, sports celebrities play in advertises for profit which also contributes high retail prices and increases consumers' burdens. Therefore, I did not believe it is beneficial to have sport celebrities for commercial product advertisements.
In the contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular worldwide for entertaining audiences.  Meanwhile, large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
spend a huge amount of salary to invite sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to promote their products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this will benefit communities and their fans.
However
, I
personally
disagree with this view and the essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss my"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about my
opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
inviting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to play in commercial product advertisements may convey incorrect information to their fans and lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts 
as well
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
loyalty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
under peer pressure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
may force their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
gadget, clothes and even food which
are advertised
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
might be under criminal charges of stealing if they did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
suffer from obesity and even diabetic mellitus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are attracted
to consume excessive soft drinks which
are advertised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. Without the advertises, they might not be fond of soft drinks.

In addition
, the fee to invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
for participating in advertises are
extremely
huge. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the same amount of profits, retail prices of products will increase.
Therefore
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more financial burden to the customers
as well
.
For example
, the prices for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
popular brands of detergents are higher than that of an ordinary brand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the former one spent much money on their advertisements.
Therefore
, inviting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to promote products will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
burdens to consumers.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
play in advertises for profit which
also
contributes high retail prices and increases consumers' burdens.
Therefore
, I did not believe it is beneficial to have sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
for commercial product advertisements.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Program to Provide Free TutoringThe university has announced that starting with the fall semester, free tutoring will be available to all new students for their entire first year. The academic dean. James Maxwell, commented. "The university is aware v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts