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25. Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others preferto spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v.1

25. Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others preferto spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v. 1
Some would argue that adolescents should decide themselves about their career and growth for living better. While others believe that guardians and mentors should take care of young lives and give them a good career that can help them have a great future. Although going on the same path as our elders did would lead to a bright future, it doesn't provide the key skills needed to survive when adults are all alone. I believe that everyone should definitely understand what life has to give to us and prepare for the hardships whenever necessary and grow strong and build our future. To begin with, at times parents would suggest their grown-up children to handle their business or follow the same way as their father's or mother's and settle with ease and in a comfortable route. A mentor could only verbally help but not physically force adults to choose the opportunity. Either of them do not understand what personally a youngster have in his mind or what he wanted to all the time when he encounters his parents or teachers. For example, a recent study by the University of Oxford revealed that only 5% of people are interested in doing what their parents or well-wishers would ask them to do. This proves that bearing individuality would fetch greater success if not that the truth they are ignoring their mentors. Factors that a person meets at various stages of his life teach a remarkable lesson about life, this can only be experienced when we think of our future for ourselves, we must not ignore the fact that hurdles are all the way when we cross them we end up in a successful shore to relax upon. For instance, a recent study among 100 adolescents revealed that a person who could grow individually can survive the worst situations come defeat or victory in his life. In conclusion, despite the fact of comfort in pursuing the same way as our elders do, the strength we gain by settling on our own can last long. I desperately feel that one should have broad vision about their own future and life so that we can reach to the sky.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that adolescents should decide themselves about their career and growth for living better. While others believe that guardians and mentors should take care of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them have a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Although going on the same path as our elders did
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
would
lead to a bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, it doesn't provide the key
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed to survive when adults are all alone. I believe that everyone should definitely understand what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
give to us and prepare for the hardships whenever necessary and grow strong and build our future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, at times parents would suggest their grown-up children to handle their business or follow the same way as their father's or mother's and settle with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and in a comfortable route. A mentor could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
verbally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
physically
force adults to choose the opportunity. Either of them do not understand what
personally
a youngster have in his mind or what he wanted to all the time when he encounters his parents or teachers.
For example
, a recent study by the University of Oxford revealed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are interested
in doing what their parents or well-wishers would ask them to do. This proves that bearing individuality would fetch greater success if not that the truth they are ignoring their mentors.

Factors that a person meets at various stages of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
teach a remarkable lesson about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be experienced
when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for ourselves, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that hurdles are all the way when we cross them we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in a successful shore to relax upon.
For instance
, a recent study among 100 adolescents revealed that a person who could grow
individually
can survive the worst situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
defeat or victory in his life.

In conclusion
, despite the fact of comfort in pursuing the same way as our elders do, the strength we gain by settling on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
can last long. I
desperately
feel that one should have broad vision about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can reach to the sky.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 25. Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others preferto spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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