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Prison is a common way in most countries to solve prblems of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with better education. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Prison is a common way in most countries to solve prblems of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with better education. v. 1
It is believed by some individuals that by enforcing more rules can protect and incubate good behaviour in the adolescents. I completely disagree with the same, as too many restrictions cannot always encourage a good behaviour. To begin with, more restrictions can make a child more stubborn. The main reason for this is, that as human nature, we tend to do things which normally we have been told not to do. It is very similar in this case, when we restrict a child to not do a certain thing, this would make him oppose and do the opposite. This would further lead in parents being disappointed and also punishing him, which will have a more negative impact on him. In a recent study, where 100 students were examined, and it was observed that adolescents who have been given more freedom are less likely to misuse it, as compared to children who have been restricted. Too many obligations to the children can also tamper their relation. This is because when children are restricted and enforced by rules, they tend to start distancing themselves with their parents and teachers, as they are always scared of the repercussions their act can further have. This also results in damaging the relationship between them, and then children tend to not discuss their problems and issues which can be further devastating and can cause depression, which will have a tremendous change in their behaviour. To conclude, children should not be enforced by too many rules, as with a good amount of understanding a good relation can be built which can encourage child behaviour.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that by enforcing more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can protect and incubate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in the adolescents. I completely disagree with the same, as too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
restrictions cannot always encourage a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, more restrictions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child more stubborn. The main reason for this is, that as human nature, we tend to do things which
normally
we have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
not to do. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar
in this case
, when we restrict a child to not do a certain thing, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him oppose and do the opposite. This would
further
lead in parents
being disappointed
and
also
punishing him, which will have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on him. In a recent study, where 100 students
were examined
, and it
was observed
that adolescents who have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more freedom are less likely to misuse it, as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have
been restricted
.

Too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obligations to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
also
tamper their relation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are restricted
and enforced by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
distancing themselves with their parents and teachers, as they are always scared of the repercussions their act can
further
have. This
also
results in damaging the relationship between them, and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to not discuss their problems and issues which can be
further
devastating and can cause depression, which will have a tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be enforced
by too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, as with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
amount of understanding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relation can
be built
which can encourage child
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Prison is a common way in most countries to solve prblems of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with better education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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