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Successful sports stars and glamorous film stars are a role model for youngsters. Do u support it or not? (Agree/Disagree) v.1

Successful sports stars and glamorous film stars are a role model for youngsters. Do u support it or not? (Agree/Disagree) v. 1
In the past few decades, people made new friends by using social networks and internet chat groups. Some of them think this is acceptable, but others believe that face-to-face conversations are beneficial. While I don't agree that making new friends through social networks are good, but I believe that there are some advantages for having a friend by social media. Firstly, making a friend utilizing social media can be unsecured for our private life. For example, there are so many people in social networks that use other people's picture and show them as its their picture. We can't understand if they real or not they might persuade us. In addition, we upload our photos, opinions and videos to our social media accounts so others can see and use it against the others. For instance, if we start chatting with a stranger, they can use our hobbies and favourite stuff for impressing us and if we believe them, we are able to send some private information and pictures to them. Because of the fact that, we sent the pictures by our hands, we did not have anything to do. In contrary, social media affect the society in a positive way, such as they can meet new people in other foreign countries and chat with them where and whenever they want. In addition, they are able to develop not only our language skills, but also our self confidence with foreigners. For instance, the main problem of talking a foreign language is that people don’t want to talk if they aren’t a fluent and faultless person so that a person can chat and expand their language and vocabulary skills and by using the video camera they can discuss some topics to be a more fluent speaker. To sum up, there are some pros and cos while using the social networks to make good friends, but people must control their private life and do not share personal information to the public, but if they need the social media beneficially, they can develop their personal skills by using it.
In the past few decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
made new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
and internet chat groups.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is acceptable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others believe that face-to-face conversations are beneficial. While I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that making new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

Firstly
, making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
be unsecured
for our private life.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
picture
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them as
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
picture
. We can't understand if they real or not they might persuade us.
In addition
, we upload our photos, opinions and videos to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
accounts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
others can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it against the others.
For instance
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
chatting with a stranger, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our hobbies and
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
stuff for impressing us and if we believe them, we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
private information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pictures
to them.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
Because of the fact that
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pictures
by our hands, we did not have anything to do.

In contrary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
affect the society in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way, such as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
foreign countries and chat with them where and whenever they want.
In addition
, they are able to develop not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
with foreigners.
For instance
, the main problem of talking a foreign language is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t want to talk if they aren’t a fluent and faultless person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a person can chat and expand their language and vocabulary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and by using the video camera they can discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
topics to be a more fluent speaker.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros and cos while using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control their private life and do not share personal information to the public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
beneficially
, they can develop their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by using it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful sports stars and glamorous film stars are a role model for youngsters. Do u support it or not? (Agree/Disagree) v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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