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In most countries, prison is the most common solution for the problem of crime. However, the more effective solution is to provide people with better education so that they do not become criminals. v.1

In most countries, prison is the most common solution for the problem of crime. However, the more effective solution is to provide people with better education so that they do not become criminals. v. 1
Prison has widely known as a strict and effective solution towards criminality, yet arguments regarding its benefits and morality seem to not be ceased. In fact, many believe that nourish individuals with education is a better option. I disagree with this notion. It is clear that education has many positive impacts on humans’ lives. To begin with, it is a direct cure to the core of the criminal problem. Most criminals come from uneducated, neglected childhood that grown into misbehavior and mental issues. These children are unstable and unaware of the aftermath, they require specific help and guidance. Recent survey informed that 20% of children in Asian regions are not provided with accommodations and schools, which later drive them to do illegal actions to survive. Indeed, the educational value of this method can repair their loss of faith, mental damage and encourage people to become a better person in general. Thus, the humane atmosphere in schools can alternate one’s thoughts and make them feels like they are valuable and worthy. However, many individuals are unwilling to accept and change. Prison is a stronger and more efficient method towards criminals. Firstly, this will keep them detained from causing significant harm to society. These individuals have nothing to lose and will commit crime again for their benefits. Many cases against the law are purposive and orchestrated, which will become an alarming risk if we ignore these consequences. For instance, the terrorist in New Zealand’s church is not an accident, but rather deliberate for the entertainment and immorality of that criminal. Secondly, the prison’s strict method will keep criminals from repeating illegal actions. These prisoners will not have their freedom, obliged to work. community services continuously and learn about a country’s legal law. The most important facet of prisons is criminals can soon be released after their change of heart. In Vietnam, a prisoner can reduce up to 7-year time of imprisonment if they adjust their actions and comprehend righteousness. In conclusion, regarding that education is a morale option towards criminal problems, I strongly believe that imprisonment is a more powerful and effective way for society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Prison
has
widely
known as a strict and effective solution towards criminality,
yet
arguments regarding its benefits and morality seem to not
be ceased
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that nourish individuals with education is a better option. I disagree with this notion.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that education has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on humans’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a direct cure to the core of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
problem. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from uneducated, neglected childhood that grown into misbehavior and mental issues. These children are unstable and unaware of the aftermath, they require specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and guidance. Recent survey informed that 20% of children in Asian regions are not provided with accommodations and schools, which later drive them to do illegal actions to survive.
Indeed
, the educational value of this method can repair their loss of faith, mental damage and encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to become a better person
in general
.
Thus
, the humane atmosphere in schools can alternate one’s thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feels like they are valuable and worthy.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are unwilling to accept and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Prison
is a stronger and more efficient method towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
Firstly
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them detained from causing significant harm to society. These individuals have nothing to lose and will commit crime again for their benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
cases against the law are purposive and orchestrated, which will become an alarming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
these consequences.
For instance
, the terrorist in New Zealand’s church is not an accident,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
deliberate for the entertainment and immorality of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison’s
strict method will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
from repeating illegal actions. These prisoners will not have their freedom, obliged to work.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
community
services
continuously
and learn about a country’s legal law. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
facet of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be released
after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of heart. In Vietnam, a prisoner can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
up to 7-year time of imprisonment if they adjust their actions and comprehend righteousness.

In conclusion
, regarding that education is a morale option towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
problems, I
strongly
believe that imprisonment is a more powerful and effective way for society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In most countries, prison is the most common solution for the problem of crime. However, the more effective solution is to provide people with better education so that they do not become criminals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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