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"Prevention is better than cure"Out of countries health budget, a large portion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

"Prevention is better than cure"Out of countries health budget, a large portion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. with this statement? v. 2
Nowadays epidemic and endemic diseases are fundamental issues of medical world. It is considered that, out of annual medical budget some portion should be allocated to promote health education and to guide general population to opt preventive methods instead of regular treatments. I believe, such practice will carry positive impacts on overall health of the community. To begin, active treatment has always been considered as the cardinal element of a healthy society. It is argued that, most of the epidemic diseases are water borne. These disease require active measures to overcome. Thus, promoting health education has a limited role in this case, thereby, resources should be invested in hospitals and health institutes. In addition to that, distributing the annual health budget in various categories will effect health professional' s net income, therefore, such steps would upset the established order. Subsequently causing riots and strikes amongst doctors. On the contrary, encouraging health education has very fruitful effects on the overall community. First of all, some of the common fatal health disorders can be prevented by performing minor tasks. To illustrate, during early 1980s in India, radios and television channel ran commercials regarding the benefits of mosquito nets in preventing malaria, at the beginning of 1990 malaria rate dropped by 65% in tropical zones of India. Secondly, health education promotes healthy life style and it eliminates risk factors of infectious diseases, for example China faced on of the most horrible epidemics in the form of Cholera, and this condition was abolished when people were informed about the use of fresh and clean water. To conclude, although medical treatments are of significance. I believe, that health education is far more important and it must be supported by governments financially to improve health condition of the entire nation.
Nowadays epidemic and endemic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are fundamental issues of medical world. It
is considered
that, out of annual medical budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
portion should
be allocated
to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and to guide general population to opt preventive methods
instead
of regular treatments. I believe, such practice will carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the community.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, active treatment has always
been considered
as the cardinal element of a healthy society. It
is argued
that, most of the epidemic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
water borne
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
require active measures to overcome.
Thus
, promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has a limited role
in this case
, thereby, resources should
be invested
in hospitals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
institutes.
In addition
to that, distributing the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget in various categories will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
professional&
#039; s net income,
therefore
, such steps would upset the established order.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Subsequently
causing riots and strikes amongst doctors.

On the contrary
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fruitful effects on the
overall
community.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
common fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
disorders can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by performing minor tasks. To illustrate, during early 1980s in India, radios and television channel ran commercials regarding the benefits of mosquito nets in preventing malaria, at the beginning of 1990 malaria rate dropped by 65% in tropical zones of India.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
promotes healthy life style and it eliminates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factors of infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
,
for example
China faced
Did you mean "one"?
on
of the most horrible epidemics in the form of Cholera, and this condition
was abolished
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were informed
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fresh and clean water.

To conclude
, although medical treatments are of significance. I believe, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be supported
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
financially
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition of the entire nation.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay "Prevention is better than cure"Out of countries health budget, a large portion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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