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Prevention is better than cure. Researching and treating disease is too costly, so it would be better to invest in preventive measures. To what extent do you agree? v.31

Prevention is better than cure. Researching and treating disease is too costly, so it would be better to invest in preventive measures. v. 31
Research and treatment of diseases are highly expensive, so some people think that investing in areas of prevention would be more appropriate. In my opinion, although disease prevention is paramount in providing a healthier and a happier society, research and treatment are also vital as some diseases are not preventable. One good reason why the authority should invest in preventive measures is because it is a sure way to a happier and a healthier society. For instance, screening for early detection of certain diseases, such as cancer, is very costly and can only be accessed by a few individuals. However, if funded by the government, almost everyone would benefit, thus, enhancing equality and creating happier people. Furthermore, a healthier nation would emerge resulting in an increased number of individuals who are physically fit, hence, a greater workforce. Additionally, an increased workforce means a boost in the economy, which is very important, especially for any country that wishes to be leading. On the other hand, researching and treating a disease condition is also vital as some conditions are not preventable. To illustrate, hypertension and diabetes mellitus are known to be familial, and therefore, would need adequate attention in the area of cure. By so doing, much financial burden would be relieved from patients, increasing their life span and reducing mortality rates. Moreover, funding a research work is very essential because it is through this means that new ideas and methods in the areas of diagnosis and treatment are generated. Hence, it is seen as a key factor in the management of many conditions. In conclusion, while it is essential for the government to fund a disease control because of its role in ensuring a better nation, the importance of researching and treating diseases should not be neglected. This is because some ailments are not preventive, and through research, new and effective methods of managing a patient are generated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Research
and treatment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are
highly
expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that investing in areas of prevention would be more appropriate. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
prevention is paramount in providing a healthier and a happier society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and treatment are
also
vital as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are not preventable.

One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why the authority should invest in preventive measures is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a sure way to a happier and a healthier society.
For instance
, screening for early detection of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, such as cancer, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be accessed
by a few individuals.
However
, if funded by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, almost everyone would benefit,
thus
, enhancing equality and creating happier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, a healthier nation would emerge resulting in an increased number of individuals who are
physically
fit,
hence
, a greater workforce.
Additionally
, an increased workforce means a boost in the economy, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
especially
for any country that wishes to be leading.

On the other hand
, researching and treating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
condition is
also
vital as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conditions are not preventable. To illustrate, hypertension and diabetes mellitus
are known
to be familial, and
therefore
, would need adequate attention in the area of cure. By
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
doing, much financial burden would
be relieved
from patients, increasing their life span and reducing mortality rates.
Moreover
, funding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
work is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is through this means that new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and methods in the areas of diagnosis and treatment
are generated
.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a key factor in the management of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conditions.

In conclusion
, while it is essential for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to fund a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its role in ensuring a better nation, the importance of researching and treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
should not
be neglected
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ailments are not preventive, and through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, new and effective methods of managing a patient
are generated
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Prevention is better than cure. Researching and treating disease is too costly, so it would be better to invest in preventive measures. v. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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