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“Prevention is better than cure” researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventive measure. To what extent do you agree? v.1

“Prevention is better than cure” researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventive measure. v. 1
Due to increase in pollution, the climate is changing at an alarming rate. Scientists and media have more evidence of environmental change. It is not the government's duty, but also the individual's work to protect season. I would discuss my views in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, there are numerous steps that the government should take to protect the environment. First and foremost is that the authorities should take strict actions against those who disobey the traffic rules. Also, the higher authorities should penalize them with a huge fine so that they follow traffic rules strictly. Moreover, an entity should promote public transport more by reducing the prices of tickets of public vehicles. In addition to this, the rule maker should completely ban plastic bottles and bags because these are harmful for animals and humans as well. For instance, animals eat the plastic with their food. Plastic is non-biodegradable so it remains in their stomach. Hence, the lawmaker should take such steps to save the climate. On the other hand, individuals should make few changes in their lifestyle to protect the climate. There is hardly anyone who does not know about greenhouse gases. These gases are harming the ozone layer. In order to protect the ozone layer, people should grow more trees as it maintains the oxygen level. Furthermore, the individuals should use bicycles for short distance which will reduce the amount of toxins emitted by motorized vehicles. Also, masses should share vehicles with other folks. For instance, people who work in the same department, they should share a vehicle with them. Hence, is an individual's duty to make some changes in their lifestyle to protect season. To conclude, it is not only government's duty, but also individual's rule to make some changes in their lifestyle to protect the environment otherwise people would have to carry an oxygen cylinder with them.
Due to increase in pollution, the climate is changing at an alarming rate. Scientists and media have more evidence of environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. It is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's duty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the individual's work to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
season. I would discuss my views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous steps that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the environment.
First
and foremost is that the authorities should take strict actions against those who disobey the traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
Also
, the higher authorities should penalize them with a huge fine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they follow traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
strictly
.
Moreover
, an entity should promote public transport more by reducing the prices of tickets of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
In addition
to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
maker should completely ban plastic bottles and bags
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are harmful for animals and humans
as well
.
For instance
, animals eat the plastic with their food. Plastic is non-biodegradable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it remains in their stomach.
Hence
, the lawmaker should take such steps to save the climate.

On the other hand
, individuals should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in their lifestyle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the climate. There is hardly anyone who does not know about greenhouse gases. These gases are harming the ozone layer. In order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the ozone layer,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should grow more trees as it maintains the oxygen level.
Furthermore
, the individuals should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles for short distance which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of toxins emitted by motorized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
Also
, masses should share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
with other folks.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in the same department, they should share a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
with them.
Hence
, is an individual's duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in their lifestyle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
season.

To conclude
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's duty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in their lifestyle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the environment
otherwise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
carry an oxygen cylinder with them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay “Prevention is better than cure” researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventive measure. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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