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«Prevention is better than cure». Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest into preventative measures. To what extent do you agree? v.21

«Prevention is better than cure». Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest into preventative measures. v. 21
It is obvious that the only one way to be cured is to achieve worthwhile treatment which is based on a solid research behind it. In my opinion, I fully support an idea each medical disease which may arise should be prevented in advance. To start with, it is certainly well-known that the vast majority of people are not healthy-conscious because of their high pace of a life and ignorance for occasional hurts throughout a body. As a result, some diseases could be developing in people’s bodies for many years and then it could lead to serious emergency outcomes such as hospitalisation. Consequently, individuals are demanding for medical treatment which is most commonly covered by insurance, thus individuals are able to qualify for manipulations such a surgery or a drug prescription. Consequently, sick people are getting better because of the timely approach for a care from the side of doctors and medical staff. However, it is true that serious treatments can be eliminated if people would pay more attention for their health. For instance, people who are interested in changes of their bodies could make a quick medical check-up procedure which is possible to attend at almost every hospital. Therefore, they will be aware of various health troubles from a flu to cancer which could be appeared in case lack of warning action will be done. Therefore, it is more simple to prevent a serious illness rather than spend a lot of resources such as time and money to find the right instruments for healing process. In contrast, if the person chooses not to pay attention for health, this is more likely to produce multiple diseases since the whole organism is an interconnected system with strong correlation of different functions. In conclusion, although receiving an instant response from doctors is often an easier approach for individuals to handle with their health, I would argue that significance of awareness for upcoming diseases could bring more confidence in a future life.
It is obvious that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one way to
be cured
is to achieve worthwhile treatment which
is based
on a solid research behind it. In my opinion, I
fully
support an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
which may arise should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
in advance.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is
certainly
well-known that the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not healthy-conscious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their high pace of a life and ignorance for occasional hurts throughout a body.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
could be developing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
bodies for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years and then it could lead to serious emergency outcomes such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'hospitalisation' is British English.
hospitalisation
.
Consequently
, individuals are demanding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment which is most
commonly
covered by insurance,
thus
individuals are able to qualify for manipulations such a surgery or a drug prescription.
Consequently
, sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the timely approach for a care from the side of doctors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
staff.

However
, it is true that serious treatments can
be eliminated
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would pay more attention for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are interested
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of their bodies could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a quick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up procedure which is possible to attend at almost every hospital.
Therefore
, they will be aware of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
troubles from a flu to cancer which could
be appeared
in case lack of warning action will
be done
.
Therefore
, it is more simple to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a serious illness
rather
than spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
resources such as time and money to find the right instruments for healing process.
In contrast
, if the person chooses not to pay attention for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, this is more likely to produce multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
since the whole organism is an interconnected system with strong correlation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
functions.

In conclusion
, although receiving an instant response from doctors is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
an easier approach for individuals to handle with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, I would argue that significance of awareness for upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
could bring more confidence in a future life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay «Prevention is better than cure». Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest into preventative measures. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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